Reason For Our Love
by Kedda
Summary: Kinda like the next season to my story Tear Your Love Apart. Just because they are together doesn't mean everything is happiness and rainbows. ADDEK obviously.
1. Prettiest Pumpkin

So this is the mini-sequel to "Tear Your Love Apart" which was a 45 chapter monstrosity. This fic is absolutely ridiculous, and not at all something that I would normally write. And I blame that on Cess. And Chris.

But it's "good" (and I use that term loosely) in it's own way.

Now that I've warned you.

Read.

Oh, wait. I don't own Grey's. If Shonda saw what I have done to her characters she would have me shot at dawn. _That said_, Shonda, you need my help. Call me.

Okay, now you can read.

XXXXXXXXXX

October 31st

10:57am

Addison lowered herself wearily onto the couch and sighed. She sank back against the cushions and closed her eye's. Never before had she been so glad to be home. Only 3 days and she was already exhausted.

Derek walked slowly into the living room, carefully maneuvering . He'd claimed that he could carry everything, and he was, but it was comical to watch. He set everything on the coffee table in front of her, then faced her and grinned, "We're home."

Addison couldn't help it, her face broke in to a wide smile, "We're home."

Derek sat down beside her and crossed his arms. They sat together in contemplative silence for several minutes.

"I'm not just biased am I?"

Derek chuckled, not at the question, at her tone. There was not a hint of sarcasm or satire. She was seriously asking. "Your completely biased," he teased.

"But she's perfect right?"

Derek watched their daughter yawn and stretch her arms then settle again still deeply asleep, "She's perfect," he agreed.

Addison nodded, "I thought so."

XXXX

12:17pm

"Most people dress their babies in pink, or blue, or white to come home. Not _orange_."

"Most people don't bring their baby home on Halloween."

"Most people..."

"Most people," Addison cut him off, "Bring their baby home with a name."

"I started a list."

Addison smiled as he reached over to claim the baby. She settled her in Derek's arms and smoothed her hand one more time over the orange sleeper, "I never saw a list."

"Well we got busy and then all of a sudden she was here."

"She was 10 days late."

"It was still sudden."

Addison laughed and started gathering things to throw in the laundry. She'd only been home 90 minutes and already the place was a mess.

"I'll do that," he offered.

"No," she shook her head, "I need to move around."

"Still sore?"

Addison gave him a look, "Your daughter has a head the size of a pumpkin. I'm still sore."

"She looks like a pumpkin," he smiled at the baby, who was momentarily awake, "I like the name Adelaide."

Addison rolled her eye's.

"I have always liked that name."

"I know."

"You've never liked it."

"I wanted a boy," Addison paused, and pouted, "I love the name James."

"We have known it was a girl since May," he teased, "Stop whining."

"Pick a name," she shot back, a smirk on her face, "Or I'll put James on her birth certificate.".

"What do you think pumpkin?" He kissed the baby's forehead, "She likes the name Adelaide."

"Derek," Addison turned to him and smiled, "It's not that I don't like the name Adelaide, because I do, It's a beautiful name. I just think that it would get confusing."

"How?" he demanded.

"Derek," she took a step towards him and ran her hands up the arms that were holding their baby, "What do you call me?"

Derek's brow furrowed, "Addy?"

"And would you actually call her Adelaide? Or would you want to shorten it? To Adda, or Ade, or Addy?"

Derek sighed, "I'd shorten it."

Addison smiled at him, "It's a beautiful name, but..."

Derek smiled back, "You're not naming her James."

XXXX

3:01pm

Addison was asleep. Completely unconscious. And Derek was under strict orders not to wake the baby.

Derek didn't feel this was quite fair. Addison had gotten the baby all to herself while she was at the clinic, the baby was never further then arms reach away.

He on the other hand didn't get to spend nearly enough time with her. Being head of a department had it's downfalls. He was paged way more then he'd like.

And of course, Addison made him answer every one.

But _she_ got to carry the baby for 9 months, and _she_ got stay home with the baby for the next few weeks, and _she_ got Richard's permission to keep the baby with her in the maternity ward when _she_ went back to work.

_He_ got nothing.

_He_ just wanted to hold her.

"Hey pumpkin," he murmured, gently lifting her into his arms. He smiled at her as she opened her eyes, "Your awake," He bought his face close to hers and they studied each other intently, "You're awfully pretty." he told her, then smiled "If you tell your Mommy I'll deny it, but your the prettiest girl I've ever seen."

XXXX

5:27pm

By supper time Addison Shepherd was over the joys of parenting.

Derek took the baby from Addison, again, lightly rubbing her back trying to coax a burp.

Addison sighed, "I really look forward to the time when feeding her is a beautiful and magical experience, not awkward and uncomfortable."

"Looked beautiful and magical too me."

"Well it's not your nipples being suctioned."

"Thank god," Derek snuggled the baby closer, "I like this job better."

Addison just glared.

Derek chuckled and headed for the kitchen, still rubbing the baby's back,"Do you want something to eat or drink?" he asked.

"I _want_ coffee."

"Well you can't _have _coffee. Will you settle for cocoa?"

The doorbell rang.

Addison sighed and stood up, tugging at her shirt, "If that is someone from the hospital I am _killing_ Richard. He promised not to say anything 'til next week."

"Trick or Treat!"

3 sets of brown eye's stared up at her.

She stared back, "Wow," she paused, and took stock of the situation, "We don't have any candy..."

Three sets of brown eye's suddenly became very sad.

"It's all right," their mother spoke up from the background. She smiled at Addison. "We live just across the river." she explained, "The kids wanted to try one last house before going home."

Addison motioned them in, "We were just making cocoa, if that will do?"

The kids turned to their mother, "Okay," she relented.

Addison motioned them towards the kitchen, as she introduced herself to the kids mother, Anna.

"Your home is beautiful," she said to Addison as they walked after the children to the kitchen.

"Thanks. I bought it after the divorce," Addison smiled at her, "Actually, my ex-husband owns the land right beside yours."

"Really?" Anna questioned, "I didn't know anyone lived there."

Addison smirked as they entered the kitchen, "That's because he lives here."

Anna raised an eyebrow in amusement. "And you've been divorced how long?"

"A year and a half."

"Mom! They have a pet pig!"

"And a baby."

"The baby looks like a pumpkin."

"Marjorie!" her mother admonished.

"_He_ said it."

Addison laughed, "Derek, this is Anna, our neighbor." She crossed the kitchen to stand by him, "Don't tell people our daughter looks like a pumpkin." She took the baby so Derek could shake Anna's hand.

"The baby doesn't even have a name yet," Marjorie piped up again.

"Hey," Derek said, mocking defensiveness, "We are working on it."

"It's not brain surgery."

"No that," Derek produced a large kettle of cocoa, "That I could do." Derek studied the children for a moment, "Would you like to roast some marshmallows?"

Addison shook her head at Anna and smiled, " Would you like tour?"

Anna nodded, "So this divorce?"

"Oh, it was completely necessary."

XXXX

8:36 pm

"Addy," Derek whispered gently, "Add?"

"Mmm?" Addison murmured refusing to wake up.

"Sweetheart, I have to go to the hospital for a bit. Will you be okay on your own?"

Addison didn't justify that with a response more then an annoyed grunt.

Derek chucked and covered her and the baby gently with the blanket from the back of the couch. He kissed them both then ran his hand over Addison's hair, "When I get home we are naming this little girl."

Addison gave a very undignified yawn, "I already did," she yawned again, motioning to a piece of paper on the table.

Derek picked it up and smiled, "Jameson Adelaide Shepherd."

Addison finally opened her eyes, "We both win."

Derek bent to kiss her again, "We definitely both won."

OOOO

_October 28th _

_8:52 pm_

"_Addison! Just let me call Derek!" Izzie exclaimed._

"_No!" Addison groaned, her face contorting with pain, "He's in surgery."_

"_He'd want to be here."_

"_He will!"_

"_Addison your 10 centimeters dilated. You've been pushing for almost an hour."_

_Addison fell back against the pillows panting, her face slick with sweat, "Is he going to make it?"_

"_He might, if you let us call him. Mark's over there waiting for him."_

_Addison attempted to calm her breathing, "Pass me my phone."_

"_You can't use that in here," a nurse warned._

"_Do you know how much business I send thins clinic?" Addison snapped, "I'll call whomever I damn well want."_

"_Hello?" Derek answered his phone calmly._

"_Agghhhhh," Addison practically screamed as another contraction hit._

_Derek froze. He had just walked out of the OR and he suddenly wanted privacy more then anything else, "Baby?" he murmured slipping into an empty scrub room, "How long have you been in labour for?"_

"_Oh god, Oh god! OH GOD," Addison tried to breath through it, "Arrrrgh," she exclaimed forcing herself to push once again._

"_Addy?"_

"_How was your surgery?" she gasped._

"_Addy? Are you already pushing," Derek panicked, "How long have you been pushing for?"_

"_How was surgery?" she demanded._

_Derek groaned at her diversion tactics, "He's still on the table, we're waiting for some swelling to go down," he paused and ran a hand through his hair, "You were in labour when I left this morning weren't you?" he accused,not waiting for a response, "You should have told me."_

"_Had to. Save. Lives," she groaned, then relaxed and stopped pushing._

_Derek sighed, "You had to have the baby across town."_

_Addison smiled weakly, "Your not going to make it," she whispered._

_Derek had held him emotions in check until she said this, "Well I guess I'll just have to catch the next one."_

_Addison started to cry, "I want you here."_

"_I know. I want to be there. But I'm not leaving, I'll be talking to you the whole time."_

"_Oh God!" she exclaimed as she was consumed by another contraction._

_Derek held his breath, she had barely recovered from the last one, "Add, just focus on my voice. Okay? Focus on me," Damnit, he silently cursed, if he had been there he could have at least talked her into taking more pain medication._

"_She's trying to kill me!" Addison cried._

"_No she's just anxious to see you."_

"_No!" Addison insisted, "She is trying to kill me. Oh God I hate you. I do. I hate you"_

_Derek chuckled, barely looking up as Mark entered the room._

"_I will never forgive you for getting me pregnant. Never. Ugh, I hate you,". The contraction subsided and Addison started to become more rational, "I always thought that women claiming to hate the fathers were being overly dramatic," she panted, "but I really do hate you. This child has your massive head."_

"_You wanted a baby," he reminded her. Derek felt his heart rate quicken as he heard someone tell Addison she only had a few pushes left._

"_Derek?"_

"_I heard babe."_

_She started to sob, "I can't do it. I can't. You have to come now. If you drive fast you'll make it. Please. I can't do it."_

"_Sweetheart. You can do it. Your the strongest person I know. Childbirth is a cakewalk for you."_

"_I can't. I can't. I need you."_

"_I'm right here, okay love? Put me on speakerphone all right? I'll be right here."_

_The line was filled with the hustle and bustle of the delivery room, he could hear Addison panting unsteadily._

"_Izzie?" Addison exclaimed, "Tape it."_

"_What?"_

"_Derek?"_

"_I'm right here love."_

"_Is Mark there yet?"_

"_Ya, he's here."_

"_Izzie, tape it and send it to Mark's phone."_

"_What?"_

"_Tape the birth Izzie," Addison almost yelled._

"_But I'm suppose to be helping to deli-"_

"_Tape the birth Izzie," Addison exclaimed as she was instructed to push, "Oh god, Oh God."_

_Marks cell rang. He answered and immediately got a look of disgust on his face, "Ya, it's definitely for you," he handed Derek the phone._

_Derek sank down in the corner of the room._

"_Can you see her?" Addison asked weakly._

"_A little bit," he smiled, "No wonder you hate me."_

_Addison chuckled softly. then moaned, "Arrrgh."_

_Derek watched in amazement as is daughter began to enter the world, "Is she suppose to be face up like that? Addison, I see her forehead. Baby she looks smart."_

"_So she looks like me?" she groaned, pushing again._

_Derek laughed even though he could barely see through the tears, "Ya, she looks just like you."_

"_Derek I can't do it anymore," she sighed, panting heavily, "I can't."_

"_Yes, you can," Derek brushed the tears out of his eye's, "One more push and we can see her her face. Don't you want to know what she looks like?" He could hear Addison crying softly, "Add, I know your tired, but you have to keep going. Come on, just a little longer."_

_She continued to cry._

"_Add. Come on. Addison," he sighed, and spoke gently, "Am I going to have to bribe you to bring our daughter into the world?"_

_Addison laughed weakly, "You might," she replied, but pushed anyway._

_Derek stared intently at the screen, "She is so perfect."_

_He frowned as he heard allot of commotion in the room, suddenly his screen went white and he was left staring at the delivery room ceiling. He started to panic, "Addison? What's going on? Addison."_

"_It's okay," it was just her voice on the line, she had taken him off speaker phone. Her voice was exhausted and slightly tearful, but calm, "It's okay. We had to stop for a minute but it's okay."_

_Derek was silent, "I can't see anymore."_

_She whimpered, "I know," she bit her lip to keep from crying out, "You don't want to see this."_

"_What's happening?" he demanded._

"_It's okay. Trust me?"_

"_Addy?" his voice caught in his throat, "You'd tell me if something was wrong right."_

"_Nothing is wrong Derek. She just needs some help," her voice was unnervingly calm._

_Suddenly his screen flashed to life. He was stunned, "She's almost here."_

_Addison was silent, she was concentrating on pushing again._

"_Oh. My God. Addy you did it."_

"_Can you see her? Is she okay?" Addison demanded breathlessly._

"_She's beautiful."_

"_She is?"_

"_Ya," Derek watched as they placed the baby on Addison's chest, "See I told you."_

"_She's perfect," Addison breathed._

"_She takes after you."_

_**beep! beep! beep!**_

_Derek glanced at his pager._

"_You have to go?" Addison asked distractedly._

"_Ya, I do."_

"_Thank you."_

"_Tell her I love her, and I'll be there as soon as I reattach this guys skull."_

"_I will. Derek," she smiled at the baby, "I love you."_

"_I love you too."_

_Derek hung up the phone. He was an emotional mess and grinning like a fool. He stood up and just crossed his arms across his chest. "I have a daughter," he proclaimed._

_Mark nodded with a smile, "Congratulations."_

"_I have a daughter," he repeated. His knees suddenly felt rather weak, "I have a daughter."_

"_Okay..." Mark hurriedly crossed the room and steered Derek towards a chair. Perhaps the closest contact the men had had in almost 2 years._

"_I'm a father."_

_Mark smiled at him._

_Derek sat quietly for a moment. Processing._

"_I'm a father," he grinned._

_Derek stood and walked proudly across the hall. He scrubbed in, a smile on his face, and entered the OR._

"_It's a beautiful day to save lives," he proclaimed._

XXXXXXXXXX

So that was chapter 1.

If you have ever read anything by me you know that I like to lull people into a place of happiness and rainbows and then make everything go to hell. And babies are not happiness and rainbows. They are stressful, and i feel no need to sugarcoat things, sugarcoated leads to monotony and cavities. But I feel bad, I mean poor Addison is already exhausted. It's 8:30 and the woman is on her second nap.

Oh but Derek is a proud proud Papa. I think my favorite part was Derek telling the baby she was pretty. Or Addison saying she hates Derek for getting her pregnant. OR Addison telling the nurse she is going to call whoever she wants, she's all like 'DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?"

I'll give a llama to anyone that figures out the timeline trivia. It has something to do with "Tear Your Love Apart".

Review for a chance to win a year supply of moist towelettes.


	2. Let's Work

So, not everyone caught it. But here it is: _Tear Your Love Apart _ended in October with this unanswered question of whether or not Addison was pregnant. If you messaged me and asked me, I told you that she wasn't. Because, she wasn't. This story started with Derek and Addison bringing the baby home on Halloween, which is in October, so over a year later. I liked the idea of them deciding to have a baby, rather then it being forced on them. Although I enjoyed some of the very elaborate guesses.

So things haven't gone to hell yet, so this chapter is still kinda fluffy.

XXXXXXXXXX

"It's a good thing you have me to bring home the bacon," Derek announced after 9 hours at the hospital.

"Literally or figuratively?"

"Figuratively,you naming your pig McDreamy killed my appetite for pork." Derek grinned at her, " But, _I _am Richard's favorite without you there, _I_ am the one raking in the big bucks for the hospital, _and_ for us."

Addison smiled back, "So good day?"

"Great day, which just got greater," he sank into the couch beside Addison, watching the baby sleep against her chest, "What are you girls doing?"

"Reading Nurse Debbie's blog. I'm trying to get James and I caught up on the gossip, we are going into work tomorrow."

Derek started, "You're going back to work?"

Addison smiled, "Just for one patient Derek. I'll take her with me, it will be fine. She'll do her baby thing, I'll do my baby thing."

Derek nodded somewhat pacified, "So Debbie has a blog?"

"All gossip, and not surpassingly we are mentioned _allot_."

"Really?" Derek slouched down comfortably and rested his arm around Addison shoulders.

"Mostly things I would rather forgot, and I am overjoyed to find preserved online, like... okay. '_This is why I get up in the morning. The former Mr. and Mrs. Shepherd have been just been arrested for Indecent Exposure at the Space Needle. Webber is furious. They don't seem to feel that bad, which is a shame since He-Shepherd's intern is right outside listening. Actually they clearly don't feel bad at all, Dr. Shepherd just took a very obvious and leisurely look down his Es-Wife's shirt, and she is clearly not wearing a bra (which in my opinion, at her age, is just tacky).' "_Addison glared at him, "By the way, you're a jerk."

Derek smirked, "'At your age.'"

Addison kept reading, "_ 'She-Shepherd needs to start taking her happy pills again,' _thanks, Debbie',_'Dr. Shepherd seems to be celebrating her independence by buying herself massive diamond rings,'" _She grnned at Derek, who grinned back, " This one's funny._'Why is it that it was Montgomery-Shepherd before the divorce and just Shepherd after? Most women drop the married name, not the maiden,'"_

"She's on top of things."

Addison shook her head, "Well, this is were she starts getting things seriously wrong, "_'The two Dr. Shepherds are fighting again. I knew that this civil divorce idea wouldn't last,' _then there's_ 'The Dr. Shepherds are going out of their way to avoid each other, they only speak when they have cases together,"_ Which is the only time we have time to speak. Oh this one is good, I think this was when you had to be out of town when I was going to be ovulating: _'Derek cornered Addison in the cafeteria today. No one knows what was said, but Addison seemed really upset and Derek looked very off put. Olivia thinks that there might be something going on between them again. I don't think that they would travel that road a second time, I think it might be some sort of alimony issue' "_

Derek snorted, "You make more, you should be paying me."

"Your living rent free in my house. Why does this woman hate me?" Addison continued reading exhorts, "_'I don't know what is going on with Dr. Shepherd, she is always demanding, but this is a whole new level of bitchiness,' _I was pregnant! It's not pleasant. You know she should try having morning sickness around placenta and hospital food. Then we will talk about who's bitchy, '_Addison Shepherd needs to start spending less time at the hospital and more time on the treadmill.'"_

Derek carefully took Jameson from her arms.

"Is she calling me fat!?" Addison demanded, "I was _not_ fat. I was on the low end of the curve for healthy weight gain my entire pregnancy." she glanced at Derek, "Was I fat?"

"No, dear," he said automatically.

Addison sighed and kept reading, _"'Now don't quote me on this, but I think that She-Shepherd might be pregnant. It's something that I have been suspecting for awhile. If I'm right, there should be some sort of announcement any day now. I wonder who the father is?' _That was in July,_ 'She is most definitely pregnant. She hasn't said anything yet, but it's fairly obvious,' _That's the beginning of August," Addison shook her head and laughed, "_'Addison Shepherd got a phone call today from her father. If my eavesdropping skills are up to par, her baby is due near the end of October (which is allot sooner then anyone was guessing), and the father of her baby is someone that her father knows but doesn't like. We discussed it at Joe's after work and at first we thought that Dr. Shepherd might be the father, but like I have said before, I don't think that there is anything between them at all. So we did what any self respecting nurses would do. We googled her.'" _Addison froze, then began hitting the down button furiously, "She _googled_ me? That bitch!"

"Something you don't want her to find out?"

"'_I found some good stuff. Nothing spectacular like 'Doctors Gone Wild' (although that would have made my year), but her father owns ferryboats. FERRYBOATS. Can you believe that? I figured her family had money, but i assumed that it was something like publishing or real estate. Not ferryboats. Her family actually owns the Ferry company in Seattle. I probably put her through Med. School.'"_

Derek watched Addison as she silently scanned the rest of the entry.

"She is mocking my ferry's," Addison pouted.

"You mean your 'fairy' boats?"

"Do you have a fleet of boats named after you?" she demanded indignantly.

"No." he smiled, "I also didn't try to convince my father to change the name to 'fairy boats' and paint them pink with sparkles."

"I was eight!"

"And didn't you wanted to paint pixies on them?"

"Shut up."

He smiled, "You know I have a thing for 'fairy boats'."

She ignored him, "They think James' father is the idiot head of the Seattle company. And I wanted to paint them purple. Not pink."

Derek chuckled, "I am going to give James her bath. Why don't you get to work banning Debbie from your boats," he teased.

"You're lucky you can still get around this city with ease. Did you know that Seattle is surrounded by water on three sides?"

"So I've heard," he called back, "By the way, if you are going into work tomorrow, you should know your entire maternity ward hates you."

"What?" she called back.

"They hate you. You had the baby at a private clinic and flew in staff from New York."

"I wanted privacy." she yelled back to him, still reading.

"And they wanted to see what you'd put on the birth certificate."

"Listen to this, "_'Well I guess that puts to rest rumours of Shepherd and Shepherd. The baby was born 5 days ago, and I KNOW that He-Shepherd was in surgery all that day. I don't care how horrible a relationship they have, he would not miss the birth of his child. Interestingly enough, I remember seeing Mark Sloan that day.' _Why do people care? It's not like we are hiding the fact that we are together and have a baby. It's just not their business._"_

Derek didn't respond

She sighed and shut down the laptop. She should go help with bath time, Derek had a habit of getting wetter then the baby.

XXXX

_Let's work _

_Let's work _

XXXX

Addison ripped off her shirt. Again. "Perfect. Just perfect," she muttered. She was experiencing somewhat of a wardrobe malfunction. Addison Shepherd doesn't have wardrobe malfunctions.

But alas, none of her work clothes fit.

It had taken her 20 minutes to find a pair of pants that she could zip up and button, she finally settled on a pair that she had been wearing in at the beginning of her fifth month.

Not good for her self-esteem.

But pants were proving easier then shirts. Nothing fit across her chest.

"Damnit," she exclaimed, tearing off another button up shirt. At this rate she was going to be late _and _look sloppy. Neither was an option. Addison Shepherd is _not_ late and does _not_ look sloppy.

She slipped on another shirt. It buttoned. She sighed with relief.

And the button popped.

She was going to have to find a pullover with some stretch.

Derek glanced up as Addison stormed out of the bedroom, mostly ready except her shirt wasn't buttoned up.

"You _still_ don't have her dressed?" she groaned, "I am going to be _so_ late."

"At least _I'm_ dressed."

Addison pushed him aside impatiently, "I'll dress her, you pack her diaper bag. There are bottles and things in the fridge."

Derek sighed heavily as he watched Addison efficiently snap the baby into her outfit and pick her up.

"And don't mix up the baby bottles with Truman's bottles," she called after him.

XXXX

_Let's work _

_Let's work _

_I've had my eyes on you _

_Ever since you walked in the room _

_Come on and take my hand _

_Don't try to understand _

_Let's work _

_Let's work _

XXXX

Addison strode confidently in to the room and placed the baby carrier on the table.

"Susanne?" she introduced herself, "I'm Dr. Shepherd."

Susanne didn't reply, but glanced at the baby carrier.

"I talked to your OB, and she faxed over your charts..." She looked up and saw that her patient was not looking at her or paying her the slightest attention, "Is there a problem?"

Susanne smiled and looked again at the carrier, "You have a baby."

"Yes, is that all right?"

"Do you always bring babies along to see patients."

Addison chuckled, "Only when they are mine, and your actually the first."

Susanne nodded and moved so she could see the baby, "How old?"

"3 weeks," Addison smiled softly.

"3 weeks and you are already training her in the medical arts?"

"Can't avoid it. Her father's a brain surgeon."

"I was paged?" Derek entered the room.

Addison handed him the chart, "I need a consult."

Derek took the chart, but went immediately to the baby

"This is Dr. Shepherd," Addison introduced.

"Husband?"

"Ex." Addison smiled and began going over the case. Derek was silent the entire time. "Derek? _Derek?_"

Derek looked up from the baby, "Yeah?"

Addison gave him a look at put her hand on her hip.

"Sorry," he smiled at both Addison and Susanne and began to outline his treatment plan, his finger still grasped tightly in the baby's fist.

_beep! beep! beep!_

Derek glanced down at his pager, then regretfully at the women, "Sorry," he apologized again, "Bye pumpkin" he whispered to the baby, touching Addison's arm as he left.

Addison shook her head as he left.

"That must have been an amicable divorce," Susanne mused.

"We stayed friends."

XXXX

"Good afternoon Dr. Shepherd."

"Dr. Shepherd," Addison didn't look up.

Derek sat down beside her and settled back to watch the baby, he favorite pass time of late. He crossed his arms over his chest, "I expected red."

Addison glanced up, then at the baby, "Mmmm," she nodded in agreement.

"She's almost blonde."

Addison nodded again, shifting so her position mirrored Derek's.

Derek smirked mischievously, "Wasn't Andrew kind of blonde?"

Addison's expression didn't change, "Andrew? No. Jacob kind of."

A nearby nurse moved closer.

Addison tilted her head, "You know Mark..."

Derek leaned closer and examined the baby's features, "She _does_ kind of look like his sister."

"And she _does_ have his mothers temperament."

Derek nodded in agreement.

The nurse ran off, wide eyed and bursting with news.

Addison watched her go, and snorted.

"Ladylike," Derek deadpanned, picking the baby up and cuddling her to his chest.

"We are such gossip whores."

"Language," he admonished.

"We just created a paternity triangle concerning our own daughter."

"I was going to try for a pentagon or an octagon if she hadn't run off," He grinned, "Think they'd believe you'd sleep with Karev?"

Addison shuddered, "Why? Why would you do that?."

Derek just continued to laugh at her expense.

"You know, " Addison stood and reclaimed her baby, "It _is_ odd that she doesn't look like you. Kinda makes you wonder."

XXXX

Derek drained the pasta and sighed. He really wasn't much of a cook when it came to things that he couldn't grill.

Addison burst through the door, arms laden, "Hi. Oh, spaghetti, I'm starving."

"Well it's almost 9."

"I know, I got held up waiting for lab results." Addison poured herself a glass of milk and smiled at Derek fawning over the baby, "Did you hear the latest?"

"That Mark Sloan is the father of our baby?"

Addison nodded with a smirk.

"I may have overheard something to that effect, multiple times."

"The rumours are more entertaining when you start them yourself, and they are completely not true."

Derek laughed and picked up the kicking baby, "I'll get her ready for bed, you relax."

Addison shook her head, "She's all ready, just needs to be fed and changed."

"I can do that."

Addison shook her head and took the baby out of his arms, "I want her to breast-feed as much as possible," she kissed him lightly, "You can't do that."

Derek sighed, "Night pumpkin," He watched Addison leave the room, talking softly to the baby.

When she was older, he reasoned, there would be more for him to do.

He sighed again, and went back to his pasta.

XXXXXXXXXX

Ya, that's right. I used a Prince song. Your jealous, you WISH you could be as cool as me. But you can't. No one can.

You know, I really hate the first few chapters of new fic's. Cause you spend all this time setting things up and it... i dunno, it's just not as fun to write.

Anyway.

I don't know if I really have much to say about this chapter. There was quite a bit about the last year, like, that the hospital staff really doesn't know much about their relationship. Although after everything they have been though, I would be trying to keep things quiet too. And I am sure that if Debbie asked Addison who the father was, she'd tell her. And I kinda like watching Derek trying to be a dad. It's cute.

All right, I have nothing else to say.

Review.


	3. Love Hurts

Ya I know, I suck at life.

Just read the chapter.

XXXXXXXXXX

She wasn't used to it yet. The crying, in the middle of the night. It still took her a moment to realize what it was, and that she was going to have to wake up to make it stop.

She groaned and moaned and moved to get up.

"It's okay. I'll get her."

"No," Addison yawned, mumbling something incoherent.

Derek slipped out of bed. He had no idea what she had said.

The next thing Addison was aware of was Derek crawling back into bed. She rolled over onto her side and forced her eye's open as he lay the baby down along side her. Jameson was still crying, not realizing that eating would make the belly rumblings stop. Addison rubbed her back, exhaling with relief when James hunger won out over crying. She pulled the baby closer, resting her hand against the baby's back to hold her close to her breast, and closed her eyes.

Derek watched Addison drift back to sleep. She wasn't one who took well to being woken up multiple times during the night. Not that he did, he liked sleep as much as she did, but he woke up easier. He smiled as Jameson opened her eyes and stared up at Addison. Derek trailed his fingers over the baby's head.

"Ow!" Addison exclaimed, her eye's flying open. She moaned, "Impatience." she admonished sleepily, "You get that from you father,"

"What?"

Addison carefully held the baby against her chest and rolled over onto her other side. She yawned, "She bit me."

Derek sat up a bit and moved closer, watching the baby eat over Addison's shoulder. Addison had already fallen back to sleep.

Jameson watched him.

Derek locked eyes with her, and reached across Addison to touch the baby's cheek. Jameson shook her fist, but didn't break eye contact and didn't stop eating. Derek smiled softly at her and nudged Addison's t-shirt out of the way so he could see more of her face. James continued to watch him, making contented gurgling sounds and kicking her legs.

Addison turned her face towards Derek's, "Stop getting her all worked up, she won't got back to sleep," she smiled.

"Sorry," he whispered, leaning his forehead against hers and kissing her cheek.

"Mmm hmm," Addison yawned, attempting to go back to sleep, but graciously moving her arm so Derek could see the baby better.

Derek continued to run his thumb gently over Jameson's face until she fell asleep, tummy full. He watched her sleep a few moments, running his hand over her hair and down her arm, finally resting his hand against Addison's ribs. He didn't need to sleep.

_beep! beep! beep!_

Derek sighed. If he didn't have a family to provide for, he'd have called in and quit.

XXXX

The door slammed.

"Ow!" Derek exclaimed, pressing a finger to his cheek to stop the slow trickle of blood. He rinsed off his razor and kept going.

"I was in such a rush this morning," Addison exclaimed storming over to the sink area of the locker room, "I forgot to brush my teeth."

Derek didn't respond, concentrating intently on shaving.

Addison ran her tooth brush under the running water and began aggressively bushing her teeth, "I need you to take James for a few hours this morning, I have a C-Section at 9 ."

Derek nodded.

"So could you come get her at 8:30 and I'll come get her sometime before 11 to feed her. Oh, and I might need you to be there when she wakes up from her nap at around 3 because the nurses will keep an eye on her if she is sleeping but if she is awake and fussy, it's a whole other story. And I don't trust the interns with her, because lets face it, I onlylet them around the other babies because I have too. But you only need to be there if Mrs. Wilner membrane ruptures, which I hope don't, so we are probably ok." She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, "Could you be shaving any faster? No wonder your face is all cut up."

Derek just rinsed and kept going.

"God, your going to bleed out," Addison grabbed the razor from his hand, "Tilt your head up," she instructed carefully ridding his face of stubble with no further injuries.

"Thank you," he smiled and tilted his face towards hers, "Morning."

"Morning," she replied. She leaned in to kiss him, only to turn her head at the last minute. To yawn, "I'm sorry. I am _so _tired."

_beep! beep! beep!_

Derek just nodded and checked his pager, "Try to fit a nap in later," he instructed gently.

"I will," she walked towards the door Derek only a few steps behind her, "I'll see you at 8:30."

Derek turned to walk in the opposite direction, "No wait. Addy I can't. I'm meeting with oncology at 8."

"Derek," Addison sighed heavily.

"I'm sorry Addison."

"I was counting on you to watch her."

"I would, but I have a meeting about a patient."

Addison sighed, "It's okay. It's not your fault."

"No I want to help," Derek sighed and ran a hand threw his hair, "I'll be there as soon as I can. If not at 8:30 then by 9 at the absolute latest."

They locked eyes for a moment and Addison gave a small nod, "Thank you."

XXXX

"Dr. Shepherd, you have a phone call."

"I'm busy," Derek murmured, focusing on holding Jameson's bottle at the exact right angle.

"It's Dt. Shepherd."

"Tell her I'm busy."

"She wants her baby back."

"And I'll bring her up in a few minutes."

"She wants to know if you fed her."

Derek took pause, "Tell her no comment."

The nurse did not appreciate this game, "She wants to know if you take some perverse pleasure in causing her pain."

"Definitely no comment."

The nurse put the phone back to her ear and relayed the message, "Do you really want me to say that in front of your daughter?" She paused, "Dr. Shepherd wanted me to tell you... well basically if you don't return her daughter right now, she will hurt you so badly that all the doctors in the state won't be able to help you."

"Well in that case," Derek sighed, "We better go pumpkin, Sounds like Mommy's mad."

XXXX

"Do you hate me?" Addison demanded as Derek walked into the on-call room.

Derek sighed and sat down on the cot. Addison had taken over this particular on-call room a few weeks ago. She'd even had a mini-fridge put in the corner.

"Where is the baby?"

"She is next door with Pam. She's asleep."

Addison sighed shakily, "Did you feed her?"

"She was hungry." Derek replied defensively.

"God! _Derek! _I _told_ you that I was going to be back to feed her. You couldn't wait 20 minutes?_"_

"She's my daughter Addison if she is hungry I'm going to feed her."

"You _knew_ I was on my way. She would have been _fine_ for a few minutes. You _could_ have waiting, but you _didn't want to_!" Addison raged. She narrowed her eye's, "Are you wearing a t-shirt?"

"What?"

"Give it to me," she demanded.

"What?"

"Give me the damn t-shirt Derek!" she exclaimed, already undoing the buttons of her blouse.

"What is wrong with you today?" Derek stood and pulled his scrub shirt over his head and moved on to his gray t-shirt, "You've been cranky all morning

"What's _wrong_ with me?" Addison balled up her shirt and threw it at him, ripping his t-shirt from his hand, "What's wrong with me is that I asked you to do _one little thing _and you failed _miserably_ at it, and I am the one that suffers," She pulled the t-shirt over her torso, "I hate this Derek. I hate it. I am _exhausted_. I haven't had a restful nights sleep in five weeks," Addison struggled under the cover of the T-shirt and finally pulled her bra out the armhole and threw it aggressively over the back of a chair, "and I really don't mind, really, but I am also trying to work, _which_ I shouldn't have to be doing yet. But I am. And I am _trying_ not to work to hard, but _every time_ I walk down the hall someone _asks_ me something, or _needs_ me for something, or has a complication that _only_ I can handle. And all I want to do right now is _feed my daughter._"

Derek took a step towards her, "What's reallywrong Add?" he questioned gently.

"Nothing," Addison sighed, crossing her arms tightly across her chest, "I'm just frustrated. And tired. And sore. I'm sorry I yelled at you."

Derek shook his head, "No your not."

Addison turned away, "I'm just going to rest for awhile," she lay down on the cot, "I'll see you later."

Derek stared at her a moment as she closed her eyes and proceeded to ignore him. Finally he sat down on the bed beside her. He rested his hand on her other side so he was leaning over her, and waited.

"Go away."

"Why do you have a problem with me supplying our daughter with her basic needs?"

"I don't."

Derek waited.

"I'm trying to sleep Derek."

And waited.

Addison sighed and rested an arm behind her head, "I have a clogged milk duct," she confessed, her voice shaky, "Because I keep getting busy and I hate using the pump. So I keep waiting until I can nurse, and then you feed her before I get the chance." she refused to meet his eye, "So it's all your fault."

Derek was silent a moment, "I don't really know what that means."

"It means my boob hurts and you just made it worse."

"Sorry."

She swallowed hard against the tears, "It hurts."

"Don't pout. I hate when you pout."

"You know what? Shut up," Addison touched the side of her breast, "I can feel it. It _hurts_. So shut up. And get out."

Derek reached out and replaced her fingers, he cringed when he felt the protruding duct, "It really hurts?"

"Yes," she replied her voice tearful.

"Am I making it worse?" He questioned, still rubbing the sore spot.

She shook her head, "No, it helps." she sighed and closed her eyes, "Don't stop," Within minutes her breathing deepened and she drifted off to sleep.

Derek slipped his hand under her T-shirt and continued to gently rub. If he was going through this he'd be grumpy too. It felt painful.

The door swung open, "Dr. Shepherd?"

Addison slowly turned her face, and gently pushed Derek's hand out from underneath her shirt, "Yeah?"

"I just need a quick consult," Bailey look down at her sympathetically, not at all surprised to see Addison seemingly being groped by her ex-husband, "Clogged milk duct?"

"Yeah," Addison couldn't bring herself to get up, "Miranda," she sighed, "I'm sorry, but is it something someone else could look at? I'm technicallystill on maternity leave."

Bailey nodded, "Try a warm compress."

Derek stood up as the door closed behind Bailey, "I'll go get you one," he offered.

_beep! beep! beep!_

He looked down at his pager.

Addison sighed, "I'm going back to sleep," she covered her eyes with her forearm, "Don't let me catch you near that baby with a bottle."

XXXX

"Addison," Richard entered Addison's on-call room, "I had a call from Mercy... What's that sound?"

Addison looked up from the chart she was reviewing, "Breast pump."

"Breast pump?" Richard's brow furrowed. He blushed and turned slightly away, clearing his throat, "So your... right now."

Addison narrowed her eyes with amusement, "Yes."

"Oh," he cleared his throat again. And again.

"Okay we're here," Derek sauntered through the door.

"I told you _not_ to go near her."

"You told me not to go near her with a bottle."

Addison glanced at Richard, "You might want to turn around."

Richard's eyes widened, and he turned quickly to stare uncomfortably at the wall.

"Just hold her for a minute while I turn this thing off."

"Do you want me too..."

"_No_, just hold her." Addison's voice was edgy, "It's bad enough that every time I leave her with someone you steal her. I can never find her when I need her."

"Sorry."

"But your not, this is the third time today."

"I am working like crazy. It's the only time I can spend time with her."

Richard continued to wait anxiously. They were talking in low voices, but it was a small room. The only thing keeping him there was that he still needed to talk to Addison.

Addison inhaled sharply.

"Does it hurt?"

There was a long pause.

"Are you kidding?"

"Okay, I am sorry."

"Just go away."

_beep! beep! beep!_

"I am only going because I was paged."

"I don't care why you are going. Just go!"

There was another long paused. Richard turned his head and watched Derek leave the room.

"Okay, Richard. What can I do for you."

Richard turned and stared dumbly at Addison. She had a blanket slung over her shoulder, and all he could see of the baby was a foot, but he was all to aware of what was going on. And it made him uncomfortable.

Very uncomfortable.

"Richard?"

He couldn't remember why he need to talk to her.

He cleared his throat, "I'll come find you later. When you're not... busy."

"Can't remember?"

"No."

He could not get out of there fast enough.

XXXX

Addison flipped the dial on the washing machine and closed the door on the laundry room. That was one load down. She entered the kitchen and contemplated what to do next. Jameson needed a bath, she needed to unload the dishwasher, she needed to reload the dish washer, she had to feed Truman, and Astrid, she needed to fold the laundry then put in another load, put sheets on the bed, vacuum, and at some point eat and maybe if Derek ever came home, shower.

Her stomach growled.

Eating it was.

She pulled open the refrigerator and sighed. She grabbed her phone and hit speed dial.

"'lo?"

"Hey," Addison paused, she wasn't sure if she was mad at him or not, "Could you pick up milk on your way home?" She opened a cupboard, "And we are out of bread, and eggs," she paused, "And orange juice, butter, cereal, all vegetables, most fruits... " she sighed, and sat down at the kitchen table,"Could you please just grab some take out and the milk and bread to get us through tonight and tomorrow morning and I'll find some time to go grocery shopping at some point tomorrow."

Derek was silent a moment, "I don't think I'm going to make it home tonight."

"_Derek!_"

"I can't help it. You know what this time of year is like."

"I know," Addison snapped, "December, head injuries."

"Listen I'm sorry," Derek snapped back, "Do you think I _want_ to be here?"

"Frankly? _Yes_. Because you are at the hospital _way _more then you are with me."

"I am not having this fight again."

"Derek..."

Derek sighed, "I have to scrub in in 10 minutes."

Addison was silent.

"I'll see you in the morning."

"Fine. Good night."

"Night."

Addison flipped her phone shut and sighed heavily. The baby was crying.

Baby first, eating later.

XXXX

_Debbie's Blog_

_Things are changing at Seattle Grace. Since Addison started coming back to work she and Derek have really become good friends. I don't know how they are doing it, my sister and her first husband still can't be in the same room with each other. Not that the Shepherd's divorce was anything like that train wreck, you still see them together from time to time, but until she got pregnant they seemed to just barely be tolerating each other. I guess there is nothing like having another mans child to say 'Hey, I guess we are through for good this time.'._

_And Derek is even helping her out with the baby. It's really quite comical watching him try to change diapers and feed her, even watching him try to just hold her is sometimes worth stopping to watch. If she is going to keep leaving her daughter in his care she might want to give him some pointers. I'd love to be around for that, they may be friends, but they still fight like it's the day after prom. I guess you really can't teach an old dog new tricks._

_Still things are changing. _

XXXXXXXXXX

Well, they certainly weren't filled with the joys of spring in that chapter.

At all.

So people said, 'Hey, Ken, I bet you can't write an entire chapter about Addison's boobs,' to which I said, "Ya, I bet I can". And I did. And you just read it.

They have some problems they need to be addressing. Like why they hate each other.


	4. Let's Talk About Sex

So it's been a week. I went home for a few days, I guess that is an excuse. Then I lost the ability to write, I guess that could be an excuse too.

Thoughts as I watch Grey's: A) I can't take baths anymore, B) Mark/Izzie might happen, C) Addek as SO cute, D)"Mark, the interns are not your slaves", HeHe, "What is wrong with the men in this hospital", INDEED, E) Callie is the brother the O'Malley's wish they had in George, F) WTF Addek is freaken adorable, Shonda has been playing me, G) And more Addek, fighting, but fighting works for me too, H) Oh George... aggressively snuggles, I) Kendy likes Frank, Kendy does not like Alex and Izzie mocking Frank, Kendy knows all, J) Oh George... K) Kendy thinks that Shonda has written/cast herself into a corner. Kendy thinks that Shonda is now realizing that she cast Addison to well, Kendy thinks that the chemistry is to hard to hide and Shonda is killing herself in the attempt. Kendy also thinks that Shonda made a mistake adding 2 new cast members because she is not able to develop them and maintain the rest of the show. Kendy thinks that Shonda should have listened to Kendy, L) Alex got burned, Kendy saw that coming, M) Callie is like an O'Malley superhero, N) Cristina is doing that whole, I have a heart thing again... O) And Bailey's CD is coming out a Christmas, P) I had a much better plan for those rings, Q) MY BATHS, throws up everywhere, Did she move somewhere with a better tub? That was not her bathtub, R) This show is barely worth my time.

Just read.

XXXXXXXXXX

Addison stared up at the dark ceiling. Her eyes didn't shift as Derek crawled in beside her.

"She's sleeping, hopefully for at least 4 hours," Derek smiled and leaned over to kiss her cheek, "Night Love."

Addison continued to stare.

"I think," she said slowly, still considering her words as she spoke them, "I think I want to have sex."

Derek looked at her in surprise, "Okay," he agreed just as slowly.

Addison continued to stare up at the ceiling, "We haven't had sex since we had the baby. I think that we should. Have sex."

Derek's brow furrowed with curiously, "Are you sure?"

"Yes," she said slowly, finally turning her head to look at him.

"Then why are you so..."

"I'm just..." Addison cut him off, "I just need to have sex Derek. It doesn't have to be good, it just has to be sex."

"_What?_"

She went back to staring at the ceiling, "I don't even want you to touch me, I just want you to do me and get it over with."

"'_Do'_ you?"

"Yes."

"And get it over with?"

"Yes."

He didn't even know what to say.

"I need 'Sexy Addy' back Derek," she rolled over onto her side, "So I need you to do me, and I need you to do me _now_."

"Add," he shook his head,"Please stop saying 'do me'."

XXXX

_Let's talk about sex, baby_

_Let's talk about you and me_

_Let's talk about all the good things_

_And the bad things that may be_

_Let's talk about sex_

_Let's talk about sex_

XXXX

He held her tightly against him. He was surprised by how much he'd missed her. He slept next to her every night but he had really missed being with her.

She trembled beneath him.

He paused and held her closer. That wasn't the kind of trembling he was expecting, "Addy?" he whispered. He tried to pull back to look her in the face, but she was clinging to him to tightly. "Honey? What's wrong?" He sat up, pulling her with him.

She was crying.

And he wanted to know why.

"It's okay," he soothed, "You weren't ready. That's fine..."

"No," she finally pulled away a bit, brushing tears out of her eyes, "It's not that. I am."

He brushed some hair out of her face and rubbed her back, "Addison, it's okay that your not. We can wait as long..."

"No. I _am_ ready. It's just," she started crying anew, "You_ feel different_."

Derek was taken aback, "Addy," he breathed, holding her even closer. He didn't know how to comfort her on this.

"I hate this," she sobbed, "I hate it. Everything has changed. _Everything_," tears streamed down her face as she leaned against Derek's chest, "We can't even make love the same."

Derek chuckled a bit, "Sweetheart, we are making love the same..."

"No," she exclaimed, "You feel different. You _feel_ different. You feel _different_ to me, so I must feel different to you," tears started falling faster, "It ruined me. I pushed an eight pound human being out of me and it _ruined_ me. I was ripped apart and sewn back together. I have stretch marks that refuse to fade. I literally oozed post-baby grossness for weeks. We couldn't make love, and all we did is fight. I'm ruined and it's ruining us. And I thought that since now we could be together, so it would make the rest better. I just want to be us again for a few minutes and have some sex and I can't because I am all _different_. I'm fat and ugly and covered in stretch marks and scars and _you feel different_."

Derek held her calmly, rubbing her back as they sat in the middle of the bed, "You look gorgeous."

"Stop."

"You do, you always do," He kissed her forehead, "You just had a baby, of course things are different. You knew they would be."

Then the baby started to cry.

They sat motionless for a few moments.

"I'll go get her," Derek sighed, sliding off the bed, "are you staying in bed or are you going to get up to feed her?"

"I'm..." Addison wiped the last of her tears, "Just give her a bottle."

Derek watched as Addison straightened the blankets and pulled them up to her shoulders.

He sighed again, and left the room.

XXXX

Derek walked groggily into the kitchen and stared, "What are you doing?"

"I have to go into the hospital for the morning."

"I thought that we were both going to have the day off."

"I've had most of the week off."

"But I didn't."

Addison shrugged.

Derek sighed.

Addison cuddled the baby against her one last time, smiling at her and giving her an eskimo kiss, "Have fun with daddy," she whispered softly, kissing her cheek. "I'll be back sometime after lunch," she said to Derek noncommittally.

Derek nodded and took the baby from her. He watched her walk to the door, "You know it's amazing."

Addison turned to look at him.

"We made her. Just by loving each other we made a human being. The most complicated thing on earth and we made one perfectly."

Addison tilted her head and gave him a small smile, "It's just biology Derek."

He shook his head and smiled back, "She's more then just biology."

XXXX

"Good morning Dr. Shepherd."

Addison smiled, "Good morning Pamela."

"Where is Jamesly this morning?"

Addison smiled at the pet name, "She is spending the day with her father."

"Oh," Pamela looked surprised, "I didn't know that there was a father."

Addison didn't look up, "That's normally how these things work."

"I meant, I didn't know he was involved."

"Well, we've been living together for well over a year, it would be hard for him to be _un_involved," she smiled to herself, once you got a handle on the grapevine it was easier to keep your personal life of it, "Could you run these to the lab please."

XXXX

"You could _not_ do that before," Derek tilted his head and watched as Addison contorted into another yoga pose, "I would remember if you could do _that_."

"What are you doing here?" Addison continued to move, not breaking pace.

"Laying down," Derek collapsed onto the cot in the corner, "I need a nap."

"But what are you doing _here. _And where is Jameson?"

"I had to come in for an hour to sit in on a conference call. Adele has James," Derek rolled on his side and continued to watch her.

Addison finally stopped and reached for her shirt that was hanging over the back of the chair, "What?"

Derek just smiled, "Come over here," he patted the bed beside him.

"Why?"

Derek gave her a look, "Because I forgot my teddy bear and can't sleep," he smiled, "Just come over."

Addison pulled on her shirt and sat cross legged on the bed beside him.

"You think your not sexy. You're always sexy, you can't help it."

"Derek, I don't want to..."

"And you cried. You hardly ever cry," he smiled at her sadly, "And you never cry during sex."

Addison lowered her eyes.

"You're not happy are you?"

Addison shook her head, "I didn't think it would be so..."

"Hard?"

"Draining," she sighed, "I thought it would come easily to me, I'm the best. I didn't expect this much to change."

Derek reached for her hand.

"I thought it would be easy for me to adjust, I'm with babies all day, it's nothing new. I thought she would just fit perfectly into our lives and we wouldn't have the struggles that other parents have, cause I'm me," she looked at him, "and I didn't think it would come _so_ easily to you, but not me."

"So we play off each others strengths," Derek said in a low voice, "You help me figure out how to get her dressed in under an hour and feed her without getting milk everywhere, I'll teach you a lullaby and how to block out those really high pitch cry's."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," He smiled at her.

They stayed as they were, Addison deep in thought, Derek running his fingers over her arm.

"And the other thing..."

"The sex thing?"

Derek nodded.

"It's not that I'm not ready."

"Addy, your not ready."

Addison sighed, "I want to make love to you again."

"I know," he teased, "It's the 'why' that concerns me. You don't have to prove anything Add."

"I just," she shook her head and scooted a little bit closer, "I'm tired of fighting with you."

"Sex isn't going to fix that."

She smirked, "But make up sex might," she smiled, "We'd have something to work towards."

"You think we are fighting instead of having sex?" Derek's hand continued to roam up and down her arm.

"I think we aren't making up because there's no point."

_beep_

Derek glanced down at his watch, "Sorry," he apologized, "I have to get back to my call."

She nodded.

"I won't always be this busy."

"I know, it's your busy season," she gave him a small smile, "I'm used to it."

"You're okay?"

She shrugged.

Derek climbed off the bed. As he put his hand on the doorknob he looked back, "Do you want one of your Christmas presents early?"

She glanced up at him and narrowed her eyes, "What is it?" she asked suspiciously.

"Do you want it now?"

She nodded.

He reached into his breast pocket and held out his hand. She obediently reached her own hand out and he dropped something into it.

She stared, "What is this?"

Derek shrugged.

"You bought me a Mercedes?"

"It's an SUV. It's the only one that had 4-wheel drive."

She stared at him.

"I got you navy, but you can have what ever colour you want."

"That's a _very_ expensive car Derek."

"Why? Do you want two?" He teased.

"Derek..."

"I have to go," he leaned down and pressed a lingering kiss on her lips.

"Bye," she said quietly.

"Bye," he gave her a small smile, "Sexy Addy."

XXXX

Addison walked through the front door, and paused. The house was completely silent. She walked silently through the living room, squinting against the sun pouring through the windows. The door to the nursery was slightly ajar, and she pushed it open silently and walked immediately to the crib.

She leaned on the side and rested her hand on the baby's tummy. She watched her sleep for a moment, and finally gave in and picked her up.

"Hey baby girl," she whispered. The baby mewed softly, protesting her disturbed sleep. "Shhhh," she soothed, sitting in the rocking chair and cradling the baby in her arms. She rocked back and forth long after Jameson had fallen back to sleep.

XXXX

A time later she entered the bedroom. The curtains were drawn against the late afternoon sun giving the room a golden tint and making it feel slightly stuffy. She walked directly to the bathroom, ignoring the TV turned to the Weather Channel and Derek propped on the bed, she presumed asleep.

She turned the shower on as hot as it would get and started to undress. She stared at her reflection in the mirror, steam already starting to obstruct her view.

He bought her a car. He bought her a car and gave it to her 10 days early because he was trying to make her smile. He was trying. She was the one that was screwed up, and he was trying to fix it the only way that he knew how.

But she didn't need a Mercedes SUV, just like she hadn't needed a Brownstone.

Her throat suddenly felt very dry.

She grabbed a cotton chemise from the back of the door and slipped it over her head; she reentered the bedroom intending to get a glass of water from the kitchen, but paused at the end of the bed.

He'd bought her a Mercedes.

She sat down next to him, easing the remote out of his hand and turning off the TV. She slipped her hand into his and rested the other on his stomach, rubbing small circles through the fabric of his t-shirt.

She didn't need a Mercedes, she needed him.

She leaned forward to kiss him, a short distance since he was propped against the pillows almost sitting up. She continued to press light kisses to his lips until she felt his fingers tighten around hers and his other hand finding her arm, trailing up and down it. She pressed her lips harder against his, keeping them there until she could sense he wanted more. Then she pulled away.

"I don't need a Mercedes," she whispered.

"I didn't buy you a _Mercedes_," he smiled and pulled her back towards him, kissing her insistently, and ignoring her slight reservations as he gently drew her to his chest eased her leg across him.

She pulled away, pushing her hands against his chest trying to put distance between them.

His hands went instantly to her knees, holding them tightly against his sides and forcing her to remain where she was, "I bought you a safe, reliable, durable _family_ car so that nothing happens to _you_ or our baby."

She became very still, staring at his chest.

Derek sank back slightly against his pillows, running his hands up and down her bare legs and back up to her hips and wondering what she was thinking about that was making her brow furrow like that.

Finally she looked up and locked eye's with him, reaching out she cupped his jaw in her hands and kissed him softly. Derek groaned as she raised herself up on her knees forcing him to tilt his head back and causing the kiss to deepen, his fingers tightening on her hips as her hands trailed down his chest.

She continued to kiss him, distracting him completely from her own hands which were slowly easing his sweatpants off his hips. Her lips twitched slyly against his.

He dragged his hands up the back of her thighs and up to her waist. He was completely gone, he didn't know or care what she was doing. He smiled as she kissed him lightly a few times before pulling away. They both exhaled sharply as she sank down against him.

"Sexy Addy?" he questioned holding her hand in his and kissing her palm.

She gave him a small smile, "Ya, Sexy Addy."

XXXX

_Debbie's Blog_

_We are running out of people in this pool. I have no idea who that father of baby Shepherd is. According to Pamela it's someone that Dr. Shepherd has been living with for over a year. That eliminates all our best guesses. I really thought that it was Mark Sloan. He is back all the time with Izzie Steevens, and they have history._

_But we now know for sure that it isn't her ex-husband. Not only is there no way they are living together, but the baby spent the day with her father, and I saw Derek Shepherd here myself without the bundle of joy. _

_We are pretty much back to square one._

XXXXXXXXXX

Ugh, this is a mess. They are a mess, the show is a mess. Everything is messy.

Time for a PSA: People, there are not enough good Addek fics. I see no reason to stop writing. The great thing about fics is that it is fairly easy to get them back together. Actually, I would encourage you to write something that takes them awhile to get back together, it's more fun that way. And for those of you that are writing good fic's, please ignore this message. But the rest of you... I will chase you with pitchforks.

Review, You know how I get, I threaten not to update 'til I have 100 OR I make VooDoo dolls. It's up to you.

Not to be redundant but, Review.


	5. Santa Baby

So it's Christmas in Seattle. Normally when people write Christmas fic's everyone is happy, filled with the spirit of the Season. Giving. Spending time with family and friends.

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

My way is more fun.

XXXXXXXXXX

Derek entered the bedroom, the baby wrapped in a towel against his chest. The room was really warm. He smiled to himself as he entered the bathroom where the heat was turned up even higher, "You are going to be late for work."

Addison didn't move a muscle, "Mmmm?" She stretched slightly causing the water in the tub to ripple, and dragged open her eyes, "What are you doing?" she questioned lazily.

Derek pulled the baby tub out of the linen closet, "I am going to bath James while she is still to sleepy to protest."

Addison smiled, "She loves her bath."

"She loves when you bathe her, she screams and splashes when I do it," Derek stood, contemplating the best way to fill the tub.

"Give her to me," Addison reached out her arms. James winced when her toe touched the warm water, but she settled contentedly against her mothers chest sucking on her fingers. Addison kissed the top of her head.

"Multitasking?"

Addison didn't reply, gently rubbing the baby's back for a moment before dipping her hand in the water and letting it trickle over the baby's body. It seemed like no time at all had past before James closed her eye's and drifted off to sleep and Addison seemed on her way to following her.

"We are going to be _so _late for work," Derek murmured.

"Mmmm?" Addison opened her eyes and looked at him, her face slowly changing into a sleepy smile, "There might be room for one more..."

"We are going to be so late for work," Derek repeated as Addison leaned back against his chest, the baby still asleep against hers and the water now threatening to spill over the sides of the tub.

"Don't go," she smiled, "I'm not."

"Okay," Derek agreed, knowing full well that he was going to be at the hospital within the hour anyway smelling like Vanilla and Cranberry thanks to Addison's ridiculously over priced all natural bath oils, which he bought her for no reason other then he knew she'd love them.

Addison sighed happily, "Today is going to be perfect."

XXXX

On Derek Shepherd's list of 100 places where he wanted to spend today, the hospital didn't even rank. Yet here he was, waiting for the test results that would determine if he was going to make it home in time for dinner with his family.

"Oh, Dr. Shepherd," a nurse arrived at the station he was leaning against, "There has been a package here for you since last night." She handed him a garment box wrapped in white with a large red bow.

Derek smiled, carefully peeling away the paper.

"Early Christmas present?"

Derek glanced up at the voice.

Addison stood 6 paces away dressed head to toe in ivory. Straight legged ivory pants, form fitting ivory cashmere sweater, long woolen ivory trench, ivory leather gloves and ivory Jimmy Choo's.

Derek stared at her, realizing belatedly that she also had the baby with her. She looked rather angelic.

"What did you get?" Addison questioned, setting the baby carrier on the counter and pulling off her gloves.

"Pajama's," Derek replied automatically, he hadn't opened the box yet, but he didn't have to to know what was in it. He also didn't have to have an actual conversation to know that she was not happy about being at the hospital, and that she had probably waited not-happily at home before giving up and coming in.

"Pajama's?" Addison lifted James out of the carrier and smoothed her dress, "I love Christmas pajama's. I make it a point to always have new pajama's to wear to bed Christmas Eve."

Derek smiled and shook his head at her. For the last 15 Christmas's she had been buying him pajama's for an early Christmas present, and it went without saying that whatever she got him, she got to wear the top half of.

"Who are they from?"

Derek smirked, "My girlfriend bought them for me."

"Girlfriend?" Addison lifted the top off the box, "She has good taste."

They stood silently for a moment, Derek making a few faces at James and just thinking.

"This is ridiculous," he said finally.

"What?"

"Calling you my girlfriend. We've been together over 15 years, we were _married_ for almost 12. We have a _daughter_..."

"What would you suggest then?"

Derek shrugged and gave her a pleading look.

She shook her head, "I told you I was never getting married again."

"So you remember that?"

She pursed her lips and glared.

"Well I was hoping that you would be over that by now."

She gave him a look and turned her attention to the baby squirming in her arms.

"Fine," Derek sighed, already regretting the next words out of his mouth, "So, what are you doing here?"

Addison looked up at him, "It's Christmas Eve."

"Yes," he sighed.

"Jameson's first Christmas Eve."

"Yes."

"I _love_ Christmas Eve."

"As do I."

"It's my favorite day."

"Mine too."

"It's our daughters _first_ Christmas Eve."

"Yes."

"And you are at the hospital."

"Yes."

"_Derek!_ I _hate_ when you do that. Stop saying 'yes'."

"Yes dear."

She hit him smartly on the arm, a smile playing on her lips. "It's Christmas Eve, I am wearing dry-clean only clothes while holding a drooling baby. My hair is done, my make up is done, I have not looked this good in months. Jameson is clean, she is wearing an adorable dress that she hates and she wants to spend Christmas Eve with her daddy. So you are going to shower, you are going to shave and you are going to put on clean clothes. _Then_ you are going to eat the amazing Christmas dinner that I took great pains to cater and that I am going to reheat in the the microwave. Because it's Christmas Eve and we are going to be a _family_ if it kills both of us."

"Microwaved turkey?" He smiled, "Just like our first Christmas in Seattle."

"_That_ was because I hated you," Addison smiled back, falsely sweet.

"What's your excuse this year?"

"I hate you."

Derek shook his head, "If the labs come back clean I can be home in an hour."

"Will they come back clean?" she questioned pointedly.

"No."

"Then I guess we are all stuck here. On Christmas Eve."

"I'm sorry Honey, I am."

Addison looked away. Suddenly her eyes widened, "Hold the baby."

"What?"

"_Hold_ the baby," Addison pushed James into his arms.

"Why?"

"Because my father can't punch you if you are holding his granddaughter," She brushed by him "Dad!"

"Cupcake," her father wrapped his arms around her, "Look at you."

"What are you doing here?"

"It's Christmas," he smiled at her and lovingly kissed her forehead, "You need to come home more."

Addison smiled, "I've been busy," she turned to Derek who was holding a wide eyed Jameson against his chest.

Addison's father cleared his throat, "Derek," he said gruffly.

Derek held out his hand awkwardly, "Ed... Edward... Mr. Montgomery... Sir."

Edward Montgomery stared at the outstretched hand and gave him a look not unlike Addison's look of general displeasure.

Derek withdrew his hand slowly and held out the baby like a peace offering.

Grandfather and Granddaughter studied each other for a moment.

"Hello there," Ed said softly, taking her out of Derek's arms. Jameson's eyes slowly filled with tears, "Hush now," he murmured softly, "I'm your Granddad. Yes." He smiled at her, "Wait until you see all the presents I bought for you. New York has the best toy stores. Just ask your Mommy. Would you like a pony?"

"He is trying to bribe her," Derek whispered to Addison, "He is trying to poison my own daughter against me."

"Oh my_ God! _She is _so_ big," Addison turned in surprise to see Izzie Steevens approaching as fast as her heels would let her, "Oh I haven't seen you since you were 2 days old. Merry Christmas Ed," she kissed the older man on the cheek and plucked the baby from his arms, "Ugh, Addison what are you feeding her."

"What are you doing here?" Addison asked, stunned, "How do you know know my dad?"

Mark kissed her on the cheek, "We are doing Christmas in Seattle and Izzie wanted to visit all her old haunts," He moved to shake Ed's hand, "What are you doing here old man?"

Ed didn't reply.

"Oh," Izzie murmured glancing at Addison.

"What?"

"Izzie?"

"Meredith!" Izzie deposited James into Addison's arms and ran over to Meredith.

"Meredith?" Ed questioned.

"She's a very nice girl," Mark replied, "Once you get past the lusty indiscretions. But I like that about her."

"Mark!" Addison exclaimed.

Derek took a step behind Addison, Ed was glaring at him, "Can I hold the baby?"

"Well the gang is all here!"

Addison and Derek spun around as yet another New Yorker joined them.

"It is _freezing _outside," Kimber kissed Addison on the cheek, "I almost quit smoking just so I could come inside. But then the frostbite set in and I couldn't feel my fingers anyway so I was fine. You have drool on your shirt," she smiled at Derek.

Addison was overwhelmed, "What are you doing here?"

"Didn't you hear? Seattle is the new Manhattan," Kimber moved and hugged Izzie, then glanced at Mark, "It's Christmas and I am in a giving mood," she smiled, "Truce."

"You just want people on your side."

"What side?" Addison questioned with a smile.

"Mark," Izzie warned.

Mark put his hands in his pockets, "So your here for Christmas?"

"What's going on?" Meredith whispered to Izzie.

"Nothing," Izzie said quickly, "Hey I bought pie. Would anyone like pie?"

"I would," Kimber spoke up.

"Do you know how much sugar is one of Izzie's pies?" Mark asked her.

"Was I talking to you?"

"Well you're doing a pretty good job of not talking to anybody else."

"Seriously? What is going on?" Addison questioned, her smile fading.

"I'll have some pie," Ed smiled at Izzie.

"Of course _you_ want pie," Mark rolled his eyes.

"No one _asked_ you," Kimber turned on Mark again, "Let the man have a piece of pie."

Meredith leaned closer to Derek, "What's going on?"

"Mer, this not the time for you to be talking to me," Derek smiled but didn't look at her.

"Excuse me?"

"My ex-father-in-law wants to murder me for cheating on his daughter and causing her a year of mental anguish, mostly because of you. The only thing stopping him is the fact that I am holding his granddaughter. I really don't want to push him over the edge so can we save the speculation and Christmas well-wishes until he is back on the east coast?"

"Fine," she crossed her arms.

"Thank you."

"But seriously," she glanced that the still bickering threesome, "What is going on?"

"That is what I want to know," Addison crossed her arms, "Listen," she paused, waiting for someone to acknowledge her. "Hey! What is going on?"

Everyone turned to stare at her.

"I'm glad your all here, I am. But _what_ is going on?"

Everyone shifted uncomfortably.

"What?"

"Princess," Edward stepped forward and put his hands on his daughters shoulders, turning her slightly away from the group, "I need to tell you something."

Her brow furrowed, "Are you okay?"

He smiled, "I'm fine," he looked her in the eye, remembering briefly her first Christmas and how it didn't seem that long ago until he had seen her holding her own daughter, "I'm getting married."

Addison smiled at him indulgently, "Dad. Please. I think that _I_ would get married again before you ever would."

"Addison," her father said quietly.

Addison stared for a moment, then turned to look at Mark and Izzie, "You knew?" She glanced at Kimber, "_You_ knew?" She turned back to her father, "You... why didn't you..."

"Addison," Kimber said quietly.

"No," Addison held her hand up, "Dad," she refused to break eye contact with her father, "How could you not tell me? How could _everyone_ else know? But you couldn't tell _me_?"

"Manhattan is a small town," Mark offered.

"Dad."

"I didn't want you to get hurt."

"Who..." Addison lip curled like it does when life isn't going her way.

"Me. He's marrying me."

Addison closed her eyes. That was the last person in the world that she wanted to hear saying those words.

XXXXXXXXXX

OOOOOO.

Ya.

I divided it into 2 parts, I'll post the rest tomorrow night after the episode.

Review. 'Cause I am in 'a mood' and believe me you WANT me to post the next chapter.


	6. Santa Baby pt 2

So once again I find myself writing the authors note DURING the episode. Don't read this long note thing until you see the episode. I watched in early in Ca-NaDa. It is either spoilery, or just won't make sense. Although it probably won't make sense anyway.

A) Cris is doing the...whoa...sex...voice over. B)MerDer... and we are saved by Cristina. C) EW D)that was... the most laid back scene of multiple gruesome injuries ever. E) ahahaha... yes the doctors are hot, and please Dr.Playboy stop flirting with my WOMAN. F) okay, Richard/Shonda the LAST thing this show needs is another hand. Seriously.G) 3 words: Dab and Clean H) See, there is something about Meredith and Derek that remind of this teacher that lived my hometown who started dating one of his students. She was 17-18 and he was like 33. He wasn't her teacher, but he taught at her school. It was rather creepy, there were restraining orders and then he left his wife, bleached his hair blond and started dressing from American Eagle and hanging out at all-age clubs claiming he didn't know she would be there... I) damn Izzie... that's his MOTHER. but apparently Izzie and Louise are SOULMATES. J) CALLIE MY HERO, I think I just lived vicariously through her. K) so I have figured out the theme of this episode : telephone. you know the game when you whisper something and hope the same thing gets passed from person to person. L) Addison is getting allot of 'single-parent-tell-the-father-infidelity' storylines M) for serious, this show cannot handle another character, they are barely holding together the ones that they have, see note f,.N) I forgot how much I love Burke and Cristina together. They are like my back-up couple. They love and hate. Just like Addek. O) George... P)George... Q)Yang... you been TOLD. The other side of the table is like... somewhere where you exile people to... R) Where did Addison go... S)Cristina is going to do something stupid... T) I rather like that Meredith doesn't tell Derek anything and always chooses her friends U)Squealer V) Ew... EWWWWW WTF. What was that. If she sinks so low as to sleep with him, how will she live with herself. How will she walk around with her head held high? She'll have to move to Dallas. I liked Dallas. The show. I love SueEllen. W)ewww X) And I am coupleless. Seriously. Y) I want to make it to Z. Z)preview: What is behind that door? CTV never tells you ANYTHING.

Read the chapter. It's Christmasy goodness.

XXXXXXXXXX

"He wants to marry KIMBER!" Addison raged, "Kimber!"

Derek was unsure of what to say. It had taken him 3 floors to catch up with her and 5 corridors to calm her down to her present furious state.

"He cannot _marry_ her!"

"If they love each other..."

"Love each other? They can't _love _each other. She's my _best friend_. He's my _father._"

"Addison, it's not up to _you_..."

"Derek! They want to get married! Think about who we are talking about. Kimber. Kimber is... Kimber. She sleeps with _everyone_. She dated all of the Yankee outfielders _at the same time. _And then then the next week she dated the Mets pitcher and all the basemen. She can't marry my _father_. He is... God, Derek! She is my best friend. If he _has_ to get married can't he marry one of his day-of-the-week gold digging blonds? They look good at charity event, photogenic. Where did _they_ all go? They buy nail polish to match their cell phones, that's something I look for in a stepmother. Oh God. Kimber is going to be my _stepmother_."

"They fell in love."

"No, they didn't"

"They want to be together."

"_No_ they don't."

"They do. Why fly to Seattle if they didn't," Derek's head was spinning and he prayed that what was coming out of his mouth sounded calm and comforting. 'Cause all he could think was that Ed and Kimber wanted to get married and it was making his skin crawl.

"Does she _hate_ me? First she sleeps with my husband."

Derek's jaw dropped, "You know about that?"

"Of course I know about that. _You slept with my BEST FRIEND!"_

"We weren't married," Derek replied defensively.

"Oh my god, she is _sleeping _with my _father_."

"We hadn't even_ met_ yet!"

"My _best friend _is_ sleeping_ with_ my father_!"

"Mistletoe," Kimber informed them lightly, approaching slowly from down the hall.

They glanced at each other, neither wanting to end the argument they were both sure they were winning for the sake of holiday tradition.

Addison's mouth twitched and she narrowed her eye's slyly.

She leaned forward and lightly pressed her lips to his, just barely running the tip of her tongue over his lower lip. Then she pulled away so slightly that their lips were practically still touching.

Instinctively he inched closer to kiss her again, but she took a step back.

He glared.

She raised an eyebrow, daring him to continue to disagree with her.

Derek narrowed his eye, "I'm leaving," he informed her, depositing James in her arms. He turned to Kimber, "She is all yours."

"Derek!"

"_Maybe_, if you let me kiss you properly..." He shrugged turning a corner.

Addison barely glanced at Kimber before storming by.

Kimber followed slowly. She saw Addison slam the door to one of the on-call rooms and slowed her approach even more. She stood outside the door for a count of 100, did a calming exercise and talked herself into another count of 100. As she reached 400 she slowly pushed the door open.

Addison didn't look up from the rocking chair in the corner, simply tightened her grip on her baby and prayed that James would finish her supper quickly so that she could escape. She cursed herself for not locking the door.

"I was never able to picture you with a baby. I was surprised when you told me you were pregnant, I didn't think that it was something that you wanted, every other time you bordered on manic depressive. But with her... you were _so _happy. Now I don't think that I could picture you without her. Although this," she gestured to them, "Is a little more mother/daughter love then I ever wanted to see."

Addison refused to look at her.

"It was my idea not to tell you. He was ready to call you up after our first date, I asked him not too."

Addison turned her head away.

"I know what I'm like. I don't exactly discriminate when it comes to men. I don't have any clear cut criteria when it comes to who I involve myself with. I slept with all the foreign members of that pretentious quartet during their 2 day stop in New York. I don't even remember the name of the group."

"Il Divo," Addison supplied venomously, "And you don't remember their given names either, and they are _all_ foreign. You brought a couple to Derek's birthday dinner."

"One is from Missouri, or somewhere equally as uninteresting. And one was named Carlos. And one," Kimber smiled to herself, "Had the cutest little..."

"Kimber!" Addison exclaimed, "God! Just get out. Go back to New York. I don't want you here."

Kimber's face fell. She turned to leave, then changed her mind and sat down near Addison. "I'm sorry," she apologized, "But I love him. I wouldn't risk hurting you, or loosing you, if I didn't. I _love_ him. I can't imagine not being with him. It's simply _inconceivable_."

Addison had fallen back into a stubborn silence.

"It's like you an Derek."

Addison scoffed, "It's _nothing_ like me and Derek. Derek and I choose to love each other. We fight everyday to make our relationship work. We _can_ picture ourselves apart. We _know_ that we can survive without each other. We've done it. We've been apart. We've been with other people. We've been happy with other people. We've _loved,_ other, people. And we _know_ that we could do it again. And it's terrifying Kimber. _Terrifying_. Whatever hormonal rush you have going on with my father is _nothing_ like what Derek and I have," She stood and unceremoniously dropped James into Kimber's arms, "We have her. That's it. She's _all_ we have. We fight and complain and bitch at each other 98 percent of the time, but in the 2 percent of the time that we love each other _exponentially_ more then we hate each other, we made her. And she is perfect. And it makes the 98 percent of the time when we hate each other just a _little bit_ more then we love each other completely worth it and perfect. And..."

"And you would rather fight with him then with anyone else?"

Addison spun to face her father.

"Princess, I know this is hard on you."

"Hard?" Addison demanded pulling her sweater over her head, "Moving to Seattle to work with Meredith Grey was hard. Leaving my husband was hard. _Labour_ was hard. This, this is impossible," Addison turned and eyed Kimber play with the baby.

Kimber lifted James gently into the air, smiled at her and slowly brought her back down, "Do you think that James would like an aunt or uncle to play with?" she mused.

Addison glared at her, snatched the baby out of her arms and stormed from the room.

"I really shouldn't have said that," Kimber sighed.

"She has allot to process right now."

Kimber gave him a halfhearted smile.

"Darling, would you like some coffee?"

"Is it Irish?" she questioned with a smile, rising and crossing the room.

"For you, I will make it what ever kind of coffee you want it to be."

"Just for me?" she teased.

"Just for you," he replied engulfing her hand in his and kissing the top lightly.

"Addison's main concern," Kimber said lightly, as they made their way to the elevators "Seems to be my sordid history with men. She has said nothing of course about your long succession of blonds dating back to the mid sixties."

"Early seventies," he chastised with a smile.

"Pardon me," she smiled, "But you would think that the fact that I am neither leggy nor blonde would be a consolation to her."

"Your somewhat leggy."

"But I am not, nor will I ever be, blond."

Edward smirked.

"And she has been pestering me for years to 'settle down'. The one time in my _life_ that I listen to her, and she stops talking to me."

"I think she expected you fall for an italian back-up dancer."

"Back-up dancer? Ed, you know I only go for the leading men."

"So I'm a 'leading man'?"

"You have a certain Sean Connery-meets- Humphrey Bogart flair."

"You do have a thing for Bogart."

"Mmmm," she grinned.

"Kimber!"

Kimber turned at the sound of her name.

"I thought you were with Addison?" Derek questioned while maintaining a great deal of distance between himself and Edward Montgomery.

"She is avoiding me," Edward supplied, tightening his grip on Kimber's hand, "So," he cleared his throat, "Perhaps you could talk to her."

"Me? No." he shook his head, "The best thing I could do for her right now is take her home."

"Derek," Edward growled.

"I should go," Kimber smiled sweetly, "I don't want to get blood on my new shoes. Besides, Christmas is just too stressful a time to cut back on the nicotine."

The men watched her sweep away, Kimber hardly ever just walked.

"Derek?"

Derek looked over to see Izzie standing with Mark who was holding his daughter. He sighed with relief, he did not want to be left alone with Edward just yet.

"Addison asked me to give these to you," Izzie handed him the baby carrier and diaper bag, "And this," she took a sleeping James out Marks arms and placed her in Derek's, "And now we are leaving," she smiled, "Merry Christmas."

"Where is she?"

Izzie shrugged, "She appeared, handed me the baby, and disappeared again. She seemed angry. You should try talking to her."

Goodbyes exchanged, Derek felt his stomach clench as he and Edward were once again alone.

Edward turned back to Derek and stared at him evenly "You're a father now."

"Yes Sir."

"Imagine that _your_ daughter is all grown up," Edward crossed his arms over his chest, "And you've walked her down the aisle and handed her over to a man that has _promised_ to take care of her and love her, always. Your _little girl_. The most precious thing you have. Now imagine that that man that you trusted with your precious baby girl has hurt her. Broke her heart. _Betrayed_ her. What would you say to this man?"

Derek held her daughter a bit tighter, "Nothing," he looked up, "I would just kill him."

Edward nodded, "So imagine how difficult it is for me to ask you this favor. I love my baby girl. I hate that she is hurting, I hate myself for making her hurt. But I love Kimber. So I am asking you to talk to her. Our differences aside. I need you to talk to her, convince her to talk to me."

Derek nodded dumbly.

Edward held out his hand, and they shook hands firmly.

"I love Addison," Derek said quietly.

Edward shook his head, "Then how do you live with yourself?"

Derek saw a flash of ivory out of the corner of his eye. He couldn't be sure it was her, but he followed it anyway, not even saying good bye.

To his surprise he found her on-call room empty. He was sure that he had seen her come in here. He sat down in the corner and set the baby in her carrier on the table in front of him. He watched her sleep, waiting for Addison to show up.

He stood as the door swung open. He had barely taken 2 steps before she wrapped her arms around his neck. Instinctively his arms encircled her, crisscrossing her back, one resting on her ribs, the other on the curve of her neck.

"I hate everyone," she sighed, "It's Christmas Eve, and I just _hate_ everyone," she took a step back, "Can we just like each other for the rest of the day? And maybe tomorrow?" she pouted, pleading, "We can hate each other again on boxing day."

"We are flying to my mom's boxing day," he smiled at her, arms still around her waist.

"We can fight on the plane," she smiled, "Truce?" she held up her pinky finger.

"Truce," he hooked his pinky finger around hers, then pulled her hand closer so that he could kiss it.

She wrapped her arms around his neck once again and kissed him hard on the lips. He could taste red wine on her lips.

He let her kiss him for a moment, then pulled away, "Have you been drinking?"

"It was suppose to be for Christmas dinner," she nipped lightly at his lower lip, "but then my father decided he wants to marry my best friend. My best friend that is an entire 16 days _younger _then me," she kissed him again, "So I felt entitled to the bottle," she smiled as she kissed him again, slowly, demanding that he forget all about all the people she currently hated, and succumb to her pushing him towards the bed.

"And now you want me to take advantage of your drunken state?"

"Derek," she pushed him down, "For having consumed an entire bottle of wine, I am agonizingly sober."

Things didn't go as she planned. Her zipper got stuck, almost causing a full on war during the 2 minutes they fought with it, trying everything from holding her breath, laying on her back and holding her tummy in while Derek pulled as hard as he could, Derek even tried his teeth but only managed to break off the tag. Then her watch got caught in his hair. Then there was a _very_ tense 7 seconds when Addison heard her father in the hall looking for her, she'd pulled away from Derek with almost superhuman strength and stumbled to the door, locking it, just seconds before someone tried to open it. She limped back to the bed having banged her shin and stubbed her toe in her rush, and kissed him wantonly to prevent them both from laughing out loud.

Afterwards, she lay back, pulling Derek down to rest on top of her, wanting to feel his weight on her. He shifted, moving slightly to the side so she'd be more comfortable. He lay his head down on the pillow beside hers, occasionally closing the mere inches between then and kissing her. Mostly he watched her. She ran her fingers though his hair, twisting it around her fingers and gently massaging his scalp her other hand running lazily up and down his arm.

"Do you want to leave town for Christmas?" he asked her finally, his fingers trailing up and down the curve of her hip, occasionally tangling with the fabric of the sweater she was still wearing.

"And go where?"

"The mountains. There's snow there. We'll leave from here. Just you, me, the baby, some of that microwaved turkey and those pajama's"

Addison laughed, "I'd like that."

"Yeah?"

She nodded.

"You know, I got you a chalet for Christmas," he whispered.

"What?"

"An all-season chalet, " He intertwined her fingers with his, "There is a lake with a dock, and in the summer you can swim and fish, we can get a canoe. And in the winter there is snow and a great big stone fireplace, so when James is older we can just throw her outside to make snowmen, and _we_ can spend all afternoon making love in front of it."

"That is a pretty good Christmas present."

"Well, you have to share," he kissed her,"And you have to talk to your Dad."

"Derek," she groaned, pushing him off of her and climbing off the bed.

"Sweetheart," he rolled onto his back, "He's your father. He is so desperate to make things right with you that he was willing to put aside his differences with me. We shook on it."

Addison glanced at him in surprise, she was now struggling to get her zipper back up.

"Okay," Derek stood up and reached for his pants, "Did you miss the part with the making love in front of the fireplace up in the mountains?"

"You can't _bribe_ me."

"I told your father that I would go talk to you. You _have _to talk to him or he is going to _murder_ me."

"We didn't _talk_. I really don't think that _this_ is what my father had in mind when he asked you to _talk_ to me."

"We all have our preferred methods of communication. Addison, he loves you, and for whatever reason he loves Kimber. He loves Kimber enough that he flew to Seattle to ask for your blessing. You _have_ to talk to him."

Addison sighed, "Well, I was going to anyway."

"And I was going to take you to the mountains anyway."

She leaned over and kissed him almost as an after thought, pulling away slowly when she heard the baby gurgling and chattering to herself, "How long has she been awake?"

"Hopefully just a few minutes," he smiled and smoothed out her hair, "Get out of here."

XXXX

"Dad?"

Her father turned to look at her, worry evident on his face.

"Promise me that you love her?"

"Promise," he said sincerely, "Promise _me _that you love _him_."

She smiled, "Promise."

"Good," he pulled her into his arms, "Oh, I missed you little girl."

"I missed you too."

He pulled away his hands on her shoulders, "Were you a good girl this year?"

Addison smirked, "Better then I was the years before."

Edward chuckled, "Merry Christmas," he handed her a small box.

Addison grinned, a mischievous glint in her eye as she opened it.

"They were your mothers weddings rings. In case you ever decide to marry that degenerate moron again."

"I won't," she laughed.

"That's my girl."

"Well," Kimber's voice floated from down the hall, "Now that we are one big happy family again, can we leave? The Mark wannabe is lurking under the mistletoe trying to pick up lusty interns. It was only fun the first 3 times he caught her."

XXXX

"Do you like it?" Derek asked, dangling the locket in front of the baby. She was propped up in the crook of his arm, looking back and forth between the jewelry and his face, "See, and you open it up... and look. There is you and Mommy when you where just a few hours old, and this one is me and Mommy the day we got married. Isn't that pretty? Ya? I thought that you'd like that. My girls always like jewelry. And you're my girl, aren't you pumpkin? You're my girl," he reached over to her diaper bag and pulled out a picture book, "Has Mommy read this to you yet?" He slipped his reading glasses on, he only wore them when reading to her, if he held the book far enough away to read without them she couldn't see the pictures. He flipped open the book and started reading in a voice barely above a whisper,"'T'was the Night Before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there. The children were nestled all snug in there beds, While visions of sugarplums danced in their heads," he paused, "That's what you look like," He kissed the top of her head, "You don't look like a pumpkin, your dressed all in purple. You're a Sugarplum."

"Derek?"

Derek glanced up to see Meredith standing at the door.

"The labs on the Matthews boy came back normal. He'll be fine until after the holidays."

"That's good news. He can go home for Christmas," he smiled at James who was attempting to get his attention back, reaching in vain to grab his glasses.

Meredith nodded. She looked at him oddly, "You look like a 'Dad'."

"Thank you," Derek smiled, he had never received a better compliment.

Meredith shook her head and sauntered away.

"Let's go," Addison burst into the room already wearing her jacket and carrying his, "You owe me a fireplace."

XXXX

_Debbie Blog_

_IT'S SNOWING!!!_

_Lots of fun stuff happened today. _

_Most entertaining: Addison Shepherd. Hands down._ _That woman is amazing. I have never seen anyone accomplish so much while holding a baby in one arm. But today took the cake. She opened a bottle of wine with one hand, holding the baby in the other (and I don't know where she buys that baby's clothes but that was the most adorable Christmas dress I have ever seen. Dark purple plaid.). I am still not sure HOW she did it. But I know WHY she did it. Her father is engaged to her best friend from New York (by the way, glad she is gone again. I've never met anyone so noisy before in my life)._

_Turns out something happened between the best friend and Derek at one point too. Not sure when, they lowered their voices, but Addison was yelling about her husband sleeping with her best friend. Seems to have been a theme in their marriage._

_So Addison drank half the bottle before handing the baby off to Izzie Steevens and Mark Sloan. Looks like James is spending Christmas with them. I always suspected that he was her father. I still don't know why Addison was at the hospital though, she wasn't working, not checking on patients. Just drinking and yelling._

_As always, the mistletoe provided endless entertainment (and every year Richard says it's the last year we are hanging it. Scrooge). There was an incredibly awkward kiss between the Shepherds, but the real amusement was the 2nd year residents. Grey and Karev must have 'bumped-in-to' each other at least half a dozen times. And someone should inform them that a quick peck is all that tradition requires, displays like that are better saved for the on-call rooms. This is why we have to have dress-down-fridays instead of the 'kissing booth' to raise money for charity._

_Merry Christmas!_

_Debbie_

XXXXXXXXXX

And all the daddy's and daughters are good. And Derek was guilt tripped again.

I forget what happens next. There might be a british guy.

Review and spread the joy of Christmas.


	7. Whatta Man

So it's Wednesday. And I promised that I would try to have something up for Wednesday because it is Lauren's birthday. Plus I haven't been updating much, and I have school work, and starting tomorrow a 5 year old. Ugh. I'm old. If I didn't dye my hair I would probably have grays. Oh, Brie-Baby. But Lauren is turning 18, and that is an important one. She can drink in Quebec now... or maybe that was only exciting for me. Oh, 18. Have I mentioned that I am old.

Anyway, this is kinda short, but I kept having hot flashes.

XXXXXXXXXX

"How's the case?" Addison questioned leaning against the door to the exam room.

"Hmm?" Derek glanced up, "Oh. Fine." he paused going back to his films, "Complex."

"Do you have time for lunch today?"

"Maybe," he replied slowly, clearly distracted.

Addison stared silently at the wall for a moment, "I have to meet Richard in 20 minutes. He has some hotshot tailing me."

"Well have fun," he absently ran his fingers through his hair and squinted at the films, "Do you see that?"

Addison walked over and took a look, "What is it?"

"I don't know," Derek leaned closer.

"Derek?"

"Ya babe?" Derek looked up at her expectantly.

She smiled, happy that he was at least looking at her, "Lunch?"

"I'll try," he smiled at her, "Where's James?" he asked, noticing for the first time that there was no sign of her.

"We got the housekeeper with the nanny experience for a reason."

"She's at home?" Derek asked in surprise, "You should have brought her in, I wanted to see her."

Addison sighed an headed for the door, "Then try coming home once in awhile."

XXXX

"There are no words." Cristina's chin rested in the palm of her hand as she stared.

Meredith mirrored her pose, "We need a thesaurus."

"It wouldn't help. There are _no_ words."

"Mc...Mc..." Meredith tried, then trailed off.

"There are no words," Cristina repeated.

George stared at them in utter disgust, "Mer, you have some McDrool. Right there, on the corner of your mouth."

"_Who_ is working on his case?"

"My new best friend," Cristina muttered, "God he is beautiful. What I would do, to _do_..."

"I accept bribes," George muttered under his breath.

Both girls turned to look at him.

"It's you."

"You have to switch with me Georgie."

"No!...I... you..." Meredith stuttered,"... no rent next month! Two months!"

"I'll..." Cristina racked her brain, then set her jaw and looked George straight in the eye, "I will have _sex_ with you."

"No!" Meredith protested, "_I'll_ have sexwith you."

Cristina glared briefly at Meredith, then upped the ante, "I'll have sex with you and not cry."

"Hey," Meredith glared back, then smirked, "George," she smiled and raised an eyebrow suggestively "What if we both have sex with you. At the same time."

Cristina stared at Meredith for a moment, then back at the object of their desire, "He'd be _so_ worth it."

"You two," George moved his finger back and forth between them, "Scare me."

XXXX

"Kimber!" Addison exclaimed into her phone as she rounded the corner, "I'm trying. Asking me to be okay with it is one thing on Christmas Eve, but quite another thing in February when it's to icy for me to wear my favorite Manolos."

"And nothing makes you grumpier then when weather interferes with fashion," Kimber sighed on the other end of the line, "So what? How long is this going to take? 'Cause if you are going to whine well into next winter I am going to have to order our dresses with sleeves. And change the whole colour scheme. And reprint the invitations. Change the menu..."

"Don't guilt me on this."

"I'm not. Yet. But I am getting married in September and you are going to be standing up there with me, _happily,_ if I have to hold you down and force feed you spoonfuls of _love and happiness._"

"I have 7 months to get used to it then, and 4 of those months are excellent shoe weather. So..." She dropped the phone away from her mouth, "_Who_ is _that_?"

"Your shadow," Bailey murmured. Even she was mesmerized, "Remind me why..."

"Your married," Addison mumbled, completely forgetting the phone in her hand.

"Right," Bailey sighed, "But..."

Addison tilted her head, "Would it be wrong to..."

"Yes..." Bailey replied, a tad uncertainly.

"Maybe he is less gorgeous when you're up close..."

"He's from Italy..."

"Oh," Addison sighed with a small smile, "He has an accent..."

George approached, "Dr. Shepherd."

"O'Malley..." Both Addison and Miranda motioned for George to move out of the way.

"Not you two too," George shifted uncomfortably, "Your married, and you're..."

"Not..." Addison finally remembered the phone in her hand, "Kimber I have to... go... do... bye..." She sighed, "I can't work with him... he's to..."

"Mmmm hmmmm,"

"And he's going to be here, all week... watching me..."

"Mmmm hmmmm,"

"Miranda," Addison clasped her hands in front of her mouth, "Have I ever mentioned my weakness for really attractive men? Because I sometimes loose the ability to make wise decision and that man is..." She sighed, "I haven't finished a sentence since... I... saw...him..." she trailed off.

"If you don't want him..."

"No!" Addison exclaimed, quickly stepping to the other side of the desk. She had taken 2 steps before she stopped and tore off her glasses, "God. Glasses." she muttered to herself. She turned and grabbed a small mirror off the desk. Frantically she smoothed her hair and checked her make-up. Flawless. She ripped off her lab coat and smoothed down her silky trench dress, "How do I look?"

"Desperate," George muttered under his breath, clearly irritated.

"But desperate-hot?"

XXXX

_He's a God sent original, _

_the man of my dreams._

_Whatta Man, _

_Whatta man, _

_Whatta man, _

_Whatta mighty good man!_

XXXX

"No, you have to roll your 'R''s. Rrrrrrr."

Addison's face contorted into a smile, "Rrrr." she wrinkled her nose, almost giggling, "Like that?" she laughed.

"Eh. You will get bette_r_."

She blushed, trying not to fiddle with her fork, "I don't even want to try your last name."

He smiled at her, he had perfect teeth. He had perfect everything, "No one uses last name. Just _Marcello_," he rolled the 'r', laying his Italian accent on thick.

"Dr. Marcello?"

"Si, Dr Shepherd. It makes people feel we are friends."

"Addison. Call me Addison."

"Dr. Addison." He grinned, "You see. Now we are friends."

"Ya," she ducked her head and smiled shyly, "Now we are friends."

XXXX

_Debbie Blog_

_If you are having a medical problem, do not come to Seattle Grace. The female staff in distracted. _

_Oh. There he is._

_With Dr,Shepherd._

_I really need to become better friends with her._

_I wonder what his plans are for Valentines Day..._

XXXXXXXXXX

There are those hot flashes again...

So here is the thing about _Marcello_. He is sex. Like. He is PERFECT. He has even reduced Bailey to mush. He isn't human. He is a fantasy. He is a sex god. He is... he makes McSteamy look like Urkel. Plus he is kind, and generous, and charming, and funny and apparently also SAVES BABIES.

I don't even think I can explain Marcello in words. Basically I have trouble writing him because I can't stop swooning. I'm serious. And I am not a swooner. I am bitter and cynical. But... it's _Marcello._

Derek should have just taken her to lunch.

Review. I'll give you a _Marcello_.


	8. Juicy

ER has a McCreamy. That is SO wrong. SO WRONG. Or Hilarious. I'm torn.

You know there is something very right about Taylor on the OC. I don't really watch the OC because when both Sandy and Kirsten shy away from perfectly good affairs in one season... something is wrong with that picture. I LOVE the music video's in Ryan's head. WHY AM I WATCHING THIS. I am horrified.

Oooo. Santa is giving me Sandy and Julie for Christmakuh.

I need a life.

XXXXXXXXXX

"In the summe_r_," Marcello recounted, "The sky is as blue as the sapphire and the water is bluer," he smiled fondly, "My home is by the water. My _padre_ built it for my _madre_ because he said the ocean when it stormed was the same colour as her eyes. Gray and fiery but still beautiful. _Bella_," he smiled at Addison, "Like yours."

Addison smiled and looked away. She caught Derek's eye and gave him a sly wink.

He was standing just down the hallway, eavesdropping. He shook his head and shot Marcello a look, but continued writing up his charts.

"That is where the similarities end. She was a horribly, horribly ugly woman. _Molto spaventosa._"

Addison laughed, "Dr. Marcello!"

"_Marcello. _Please. We are not being doctors right now. We are being friends."

Addison shook her head, holding back her laughter, "I can't be friends with someone that says such horrible things about their mother."

"Then maybe we don't be friends."

Addison stared in surprise.

Derek glared.

Even the nurses took notice.

Marcello smiled and leaned towards her, "Perhaps then we be something else."

XXXX

_Debbie's Blog_

_ATTENTION SGH STAFF!_

_New Bet. _

_Dr. Marcello and Dr. Shepherd. I am going to go conservative and say that she has some control over her hormones and keeps her legs crossed until Saturday._

_It also might be worth betting on how long it is before the other Dr. Shepherd kills Dr. Marcello. I would say just after his ex-wife uncrosses her legs. It's almost cute that he is still over protective. _

_We need to find him a new love interest. Maybe the new social worker with the transplant team. _

XXXX

"Add?"

Addison looked up from her salad and met his eye. She smiled, "Yeah?"

Derek faltered and looked away, "You wouldn't..." he struggled for the words, "You would never try to keep her from me, would you?"

Addison's brow furrowed, "Of course not! Why would you... you're her father."

Derek nodded and went back to his lunch.

"Why would you..."

"Do you want to get a baby sitter tonight? Go out to dinner."

"Derek," Addison persisted, "Why would you ask me..."

"I already convinced Adele to take James for the evening..."

"Derek!"

"Addison," he smiled at her, "Do you want to go out or not?"

She stared down at her salad, poking at a tomato.

"Add..."

She glanced up. He was still smiling at her. She gave him a small smile in return, she couldn't help it, "Of course I want to go out."

Derek grinned, "So it's a date."

XXXX

Addison closed her chart. After awhile all pregnant women seemed the same, and it was wrong to wish for complications just so that she could keep them straight in her head. Not seeing any better options she decided to tune into the nurses conversation while she perused her charts.

"I wish I was one of those women that could just get pregnant when I want too," a nurse whined.

"You have only been trying a month," another nurse teased.

"It could be worse," a third spoke up, "You could be getting pregnant when you don't want to be."

There was silence, and someone cleared their throat awkwardly.

Addison smiled inwardly, they were talking about her.

"Well," the first nurse broke the silence, "I just want to get pregnant, and I want it to happen soon."

Addison looked up over the rims of her glasses, "Don't worry about it. It will happen," she looked back down, biting her cheek to keep from smiling, "We had to try for awhile before we conceived James."

Dead silence.

Addison turned a page in her chart.

"What finally worked?" the nursed asked tentatively.

Addison looked back up, smirked, took off her glasses and leaned over the counter towards them, "I don't know if this is true, but I read this article in med. school, and it claimed that strong orgasms increased your chances of conceiving," she put her glasses back on, "I doubt it's validity, but it's not something I am looking to refute."

"Yet another problem cured by the power of the female orgasm. _Fantastico_," came a smooth voice from Addison's left.

She froze, then slowly straightened up, "Mar... Dr. Marcello," she stammered.

He smiled at her, "I brought you a beverage," he walked closer, a bit to close, "The man at the _caffè_ said it was the way into any beautiful american woman's heart."

Addison blushed, and accepted the drink.

XXXX

Her heels clicked purposefully on the tile as she headed to the locker room, she was meeting Derek in 10 minutes and this was the last thing she needed to do. She reached out to push open the door, "Dr. Marcello..."

Naked.

Smooth.

Tan.

Perfect.

And very naked.

"Oh my god," Addison spun around and faced the wall, her eyes clamped shut tightly, "I am _so_ sorry."

Marcello chuckled.

"Umm..." Addison searched desperately for the reason why she had needed to see him, "I..."

"It is okay Addison," he assured her, addressing her only by her first name, "It is only skin. _È completamente naturale_."

"We are scheduled for a C-section on triplets at 11 am. Mother is arriving at 5 if you could be here."

"Of course," he replied smoothly.

"Okay," she breathed, her eyes still shut, "Thank you."

She groped for the handle, desperately wanting out of the room. A warm hand wrapped around hers and guided it to the handle and helping it turn.

"Thank you," she stammered.

"Of course," Marcello stepped back, smiling as the flustered Addison hit her shoulder, hard, on the door on her way out. He chuckled to himself and headed to the shower.

XXXX

"You're quiet," Derek observed taking a sip of his wine.

Addison smiled, "No, I'm not."

"You are," he teased, "Usually when we go out you never shut up and I can't get a word in edge wise. Tonight we are almost done the meal and you have yet to start your traditional twenty minutes tirade on what dessert your going to get."

Addison gave him a flirty smile, "Maybe I already know, or maybe there was nothing on the _menu_ that I want."

Derek chuckled and they lapsed back into silence.

"Seriously Add, what's going on?"

"It's nothing."

"Addison."

"Okay, okay," she delicately wiped her mouth and set her napkin back down, "I walked in on Marcello, you know my shadow..."

"Tall, handsome, italian, in love with my... you. I'm familiar with him yes."

"He is not in love with me."

"He likes you."

"He has good taste," she replied cheekily.

"So you walked in..."

"I walked into the locker room. And he was standing there. Naked," she shook her head and took a drink of water, "I think it startled me more then it did him. All he said was that it was just skin."

"'Just skin?'" Derek swallowed hard.

"Mmm hmm," Addison took another bite of her dinner.

They lapsed into silence again.

Derek cleared his throat, "So was he... I mean... is he..."

Addison smirked, laughing a bit, but didn't look up, "You don't want to go there."

XXXX

"Did you have fun?" Derek whispered as the walked through the front door. The baby was asleep against his chest but there was really no danger in waking her up, it just seemed wrong to disturb the silence of the house.

"It was perfect," Addison grinned and kissed him lightly on the lips. She pushed the baby's hood away from her face and kissed her cheek, "Do you want to put her to bed?"

Derek nodded and pressed a lingering kiss to her cheek before heading to the nursery.

15 minutes later he walked wearily though the bedroom door. He had been up 32 hours. Taking Addison out had seemed more important then sleeping.

"Did she ever wake up?" Addison called from the bathroom.

"No," he replied, kicking of his shoes and stripping off his clothing down to his t-shirt and boxers. He threw all the nonessential pillows into the corner and slide gratefully between the sheets. He was already drifting off to sleep when Addison emerged from the bathroom.

"Sleepy?"

Derek nodded, burying himself deeper into his pillow.

"That's to bad..."

Derek resisted the urge to open his eyes. He was tired.

Five minutes past and Addison made no move on the other side of the room. Cursing himself he cracked open one eye, and groaned.

This is what they called being stuck between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand, he hadn't slept in a really long time and the alarm was going to go off sooner rather then later; on the other hand, the hand that was winning, Addison was standing 8 feet away wearing a long red silky nightdress just waiting for him to ravish her.

Addison smirked, amused, as she watched Derek fight his loosing battle. She rested one hand casually on the door frame and the other on her hip causing her curves to become more prominent, and breast-feeding was only doing good things to her figure.

Derek fell back against the bed, "I really need to get some sleep," he sighed regretfully.

Addison smiled, "Okay," she crossed the room and crawled into bed. Resting on one elbow she leaned over him and kissed him, suggestively, nibbling on his lower lip a moment before pulling away, "Good night," she murmured in a low tone before rolling back to her side of the bed and turned her face away.

Derek tossed and turned.

Tossed and turned.

And tossed and turned.

"Can't sleep?" she mused.

He didn't respond.

"Wish there was something I could do to help..." she rolled on to her side away from him.

" This is your fault," he said finally.

"My fault?"

"I was tired. I was almost asleep, and then you showed up in _that_."

She rolled over to face him, and narrowed her eyes, "Do you want me to take it off?"

"No!"

"Really?" She rolled back on to her back, trying to contain her smile.

"No. Wait..." he sighed, "Can we start over?"

"By 'start over' do you mean you're going to try to ignore me again but this time _actually_ get to sleep?"

"Absolutely not," he rolled over and planted a soft kiss on her shoulder.

"I don't know," she faked a yawn, "Now _I'm_ kind of tired."

"To bad," he kissed her shoulder again and then moved up her neck.

"Hey," she laughed, wrapping her arms around his neck, "I gave you an out when you were 'to tired'."

He smiled, kissing her hard, "I guess you're not so lucky."

She pulled him closer,"Guess not."

XXXXXXXXXX

You know what. I think that Marcello might like Addison. Just a feeling that I have. Jury is still out on how he feels about him, I think she might like him too. Maybe just a little.

Okay. Dudes. I watched to OC tonight. I need reviews. I also need suggestions. Cause I have about 7 different ways that I could make this fic go, and you aren't going to like any of them.

REVIEW.

winks


	9. Porn Groove 6

In theory ...

Okay, you know how...

Eh...

_Sings Porn Groove_

Bow Chicka Chicka Bow WOWOWOW

_Grooves_

Okay, I know what you are thinking: 'Porn Groove 6' is the best name for a chapter EVER.

Brace yourself...

... and read...

XXXXXXXXXX

_There was a porn grove in her head. Very rarely was there a porn groove playing in her head. She must be dreaming. But normally her dreams did not have a porn groove soundtrack._

_But the thing about porn grooves, it's best to just wait to see where they take you._

_She crossed her arms and looked around. Normally when porn grooves played you weren't alone. At least one other person was usually required._

"_Ciao Bella."_

_Marcello._

_She smiled as he walked towards her and the porn groove got louder. Faster._

_He pressed up against her back and snaked his arms around her, murmuring erotic italian nonsense in her ear._

_She turned in his arms and pressed her lips against his, immediately entangling her tongue with his. His hands roamed her naked skin while hers explored every rock hard rippling muscle, warm and slippery from the steam._

_Steam. Steam. When it got steamy she wasn't sure, but it seemed to connect directly to the pornyness of the porn groove._

_She tilted her head back as he trailed slow wet kisses down her neck and across her chest, his hands..._

"Oh sweet jesus," Addison's eyes flew open and she stared up at the ceiling. Her heart was racing.

She could hear Derek across the hall talking to the baby. She slowly eased out of bed and headed for the bathroom, picking up her red nightgown on the way. It had managed to land a good 6 feet from the bed. She turned on the shower and immediately stepped under the water.

Steam.

Damn it.

She covered her face with her hands and tried to push the thoughts from her mind.

But the steam.

She sighed. She shouldn't be think about this. Or could she. It was just a dream. She's allowed to dream, and she can't control what goes on in her dreams.

She gasped as a hand touched her hip.

Derek smirked, "Did I scare you?"

Addison didn't reply.

"Sorry," he apologized, "But you're hogging the shower and I am going to be late for work."

Addison stepped to the side and swallowed hard, "There are 2 showers upstairs."

"Those showers don't have sexy redheads," he replied as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, "I was just talking to Jane, my day is pretty free today and on Thursday so I'll take James to work with me. That way she can get some actual housework done."

"Jane..."

"Yeah," Derek lathered the shampoo making his hair stick up in every direction, "She just walked in the door, she's giving James her breakfast," he glanced at her, "What's wrong with you this morning?"

"Nothing. Just tired."

"Tired," Derek smiled proudly, lathering his hair more.

She laughed, "You're _so_ sexy right now."

"Just right now?" he teased.

"Pretty much," she grinned as he grabbed her hand and pulled her back under the water. She wrapped her arms loosely around his waist, wrinkling her nose as shampoo suds ran down her cheeks as he kissed her "Bubbles," she murmured.

"Mmmm."

She sighed, smiled, and tilted her head back as he trailed slow wet kisses down her neck and across her chest, his hands...

His hands.

And the kisses.

And the steam.

She abruptly pushed him away, opening the door and reaching for a towel, "You'll be late for work."

XXXX

Addison tapped her pen against her chart. She had all her things together, she just had to gather her wits and leave the locker room.

"_Ciao Bella_."

She closed her eyes. Perfect. Now she had _that_ image in her head again, "We should get to work."

He smiled at her, holding two large cups of coffee, "_Bella_ Addison. You are not still embarrassed about yesterday..."

"No," Addison shook her head. She hoped she sounded nonchalant, "Of course not. I had forgotten all about it. We should get to work."

"_Bella..."_ he stepped in front of her.

She exhaled sharply, annoyed. He was always doing this. Standing close. Being charming. She couldn't stand it.

She took a tiny step forward and took his face between her hands, kissing him firmly.

Well, that was done.

Out of her system.

She could move on.

She pulled away and took a coffee from his hand. She smiled as she walked to the door, "We really need to get to work."

XXXX

"So much for our day together huh pumpkin," Derek smiled at the baby looking intently at his mouth, "Can you say DaDa? Da Da? Daa Daa? No? Not yet? Okay," he kissed her forehead, "Can you give Daddy a kiss? Can you give Daddy a big kiss?" James pressed her face against his for a moment, then buried it in his shoulder, gurgling and laughing. Derek laughed with her, "Good girl."

He pushed open the door to the stairwell and froze.

Addison.

His Addison.

He turned James away, shielding her face, and glared.

Up on the next landing Addison stood with her back against the rail, her hands gripping the rail on either side of her.

That man, the italian man, was pressed up against her.

Kissing her.

Derek thought that he heard her say something, but _he_ had his hands on her face, on the back of her neck, and they didn't look like they were breaking it off anytime soon.

And then he did hear her say something. _Please_. He heard her say please. And then the Italian was kissing her jaw and her neck and his hand was creeping underneath her shirt.

Her whole body tensed, he didn't know if it was arousal or dismay. But either way, he needed it to stop.

"Stop." He said evenly. Not loudly. Not angrily. Just evenly. "Leave her alone."

Addison didn't even flinch, just turned her face away and stared at the wall.

Marcello, wisely, took a step away from her.

Derek slowly, painfully, walked up the stairs towards them.

"I got paged to the ER," he said quietly, looking at the baby, but not at her, "I just fed and changed her, but she hasn't napped."

"Derek," she said quietly, trying to reach out and touch him has he handed her the baby, "Derek..."

He just turned and left.

XXXX

_7 minutes earlier_

Addison pushed open the door to the stairwell and started down the steps, "We'll operate tomorrow afternoon, monitor her overnight, and then operate again. With this kind of procedure I find it's more effective to do it in 2 operations instead of one. Many people disagree with putting expectant mothers under..."

"Addison," Marcello cut her off.

"What?"

Without warning his kissed her, his hands on either side of her face preventing her from pulling away. And she wanted to pull away. Maybe she would have tried harder if he wasn't such a good kisser. But she did try.

"Don't," she murmured quietly.

"_Bella_," he whispered against her lips, "_Bella_ Adda."

"No," no one called her that, no one was allowed, "Please, don't call me that."

"_Bella_ Adda," he repeated, kissing her again. Demanding.

She wasn't kissing him back, but she wasn't stopping him. She felt paralyzed.

She didn't want to want him kissing her.

She wanted Derek.

She wanted Derek to save her from this.

"Please," she begged quietly. Now he was kissing her neck, "Please don't." She didn't expect that to work. Why would it. A big part of her didn't want it to work. Too big of a part.

It was her fault. She knew that he liked her. She had kissed him first when she had no reason too. Derek wasn't being absent, he was busy, but he was there. He was putting her first, their family first. He was a perfect father, he was good to her. He loved her.

But a big part of her liked that this man, this stranger, was kissing her.

"Stop."

She sighed with relief. Derek.

"Leave her alone."

She stared at the wall. If she looked at him she was going to cry. And then there would be a scene. And the baby was there, she could hear her slapping her hand against Derek's chest.

Their baby.

"I just fed and changed her. But she hasn't napped." Derek gently placed the baby in her arms.

James immediately buried her face against her mothers neck, "Derek." Addison pleaded, "Derek."

But he just turned and walked away.

Addison clutched her baby closer.

"Ah, _bambina_!"

Addison glared at him, she wanted him no where near her or her baby.

"My_ bambinos_," Marcello reached into his breast pocket for a picture, "_Giorgie_ and _Giovanna_," he told her proudly.

"Who's the woman?" she demanded evenly, nodding at the gorgeous woman standing next to him in the picture.

"_Isabella_," he smiled, "My wife."

"Your wife," Addison almost laughed, "Of course. _ Of course_."

"Dr Shepherd. He is, your lover?"

Then Addison did laugh, "Derek? _Derek_? He's only the love of my goddamn life."

XXXX

"She won't come to you herself Richard, you know what Addison is like. But she is uncomfortable working with him."

"How so?" Richard leaned back in his chair and pressed his hands together. He saw through the lie.

Derek stared at his feet, "Richard. I just don't want him near her," he paused and forced himself to unclench his fists, "Your way would be much less painful for everyone."

"Derek..."

"If you don't keep that man away from her, I am taking Addison and our daughter, and we are leaving Seattle." Derek turned and walked to the door, "I am _not_ loosing my family."

XXXX

Addison sat on the floor of the nursery, half in half out of the room. James cried. Long pitiful cries, punctuated by short gasping ones.

Addison stared silently at the doorjamb. She breathed deeply in and out, afraid that if she didn't she would start crying harder then the baby.

She was so lost in thought she didn't notice the body suddenly blocking the hall light.

Derek watched her for a few minutes. She seemed oblivious to the wailing baby. He moved to step over her and into the nursery.

"Don't," she told him weakly, reaching up and taking his hand moving him away from the door, "She's learning to put herself back to sleep."

They were silent.

"I asked Richard to... get rid of him." Addison trailed off.

"So did I," he sighed, defeated, and sat down across from her, making eye contact for the first time.

The second her eyes met his they welled up with tears, "I'm sorry," she gulped turning her head away.

Derek's face dropped to his chest. He stared at his lap along time. "Did you..." he paused, "Did you sleep with him?"

"No!" she exclaimed, "No," she refused to look at him, choosing instead to gaze at the baby, still crying in her crib, "He's married," she confessed finaly, "He has a family. A wife, two kids."

Derek too stared at the crying baby. Their baby. He processed things slowly. She hadn't slept with him. But he was married. And if he hadn't been married... "If he wasn't..."

"I don't know," she whispered, "I don't know. I like to think that I wouldn't but I don't know."

Derek couldn't bring himself to look at her.

"He asked me," she gulped, "He asked me if I loved you. I said I did. And I do. But I always have and look where it got us."

"Seattle," he murmured.

"Yeah."

"What do we do?"

"I don't know," she continued to watch their baby waving her arms above her body, begging to be picked up and comforted, "I don't want to explain to her in five or ten years that we couldn't make it work. It might be easier now."

He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. He was torn between wanting to hold her or strangle her. Mostly he just wanted to cry.

"I could have..." she shook her head, "I don't want that. He has a wife and two beautiful children and he didn't think twice when it came to me. His life, it's what we used to have. He is just like me, and he saw that. He knew that we're the same. And I just can't stop thinking about his children. He pursued me since the moment we met," Addison was stoic, "I don't want that for her. I don't want our daughter to have a mother like that," a few tears streamed down her face, "I hate it, and it terrifies me. But I don't know what I would have done..."

XXXX

_Debbie's Blog_

_The Cheif just sent my Italian lover packing._

_We were suppose to have another 10 days together. I had plans. They involved hot oil. _

_They involved him talking to me about something other then medicine._

_I blame a Shepherd. I just don't know which one._

XXXXXXXXXX

So. How are we feeling?

Send me long reviews. Reviews that make you think 'God, I am such a loser for writing such a long ass review,' but those reviews are my favorites.

Lets see who can write the longest one.

Oh, funny thing. You know how Marcello is all married. Well, so I knew that Marcello was allot like the name Mark right. And I have knows all along that he was married (how could he not, he was either married or gay. Seriously). Anyway, I also knew all along that his wifes name was Isabella. However I didn't connect in my head that Isabella is allot like Isobel until last night. I also knew all along that they had a little boy named Giorgie ... hello George. Mark and Izzie might name a baby George. Either I am a complete moron or to smart for my own good.

Who the heck knows.

Just review.


	10. Tell Me Something I Don't Know

I know, it's been FOREVER. And really, the only reason I am updating is cause I am not going to be around for awhile. I am going home for Christmas...

Read!

XXXXXXXXXX

2 days had past in near silence. It was getting to the point that everything was irritating. He breathed to loud, she tapped her fingers to much. He hogged the blankets, she always drank the last of the milk. He never remembered to feed the bird, she babied McDreamy.

And they were doing these things on purpose, Derek skipped the last twenty minutes of his favorite program in order to get to bed first and monopolize the blankets, and it had taken Addison four glasses that morning to drain the last carton of milk.

But other then that they were pretending that nothing was unusual. Everything was routine. Just quieter and more hostile.

Addison stared unseeingly at the wall. She had to remember to buy milk in the morning, and they both had dry cleaning that had been waiting to be picked up for over a week. She had some cards to mail too, she'd have to remember to put those in her purse in the morning.

""Are you close?"

She turned her head slightly so she could almost see his face, "Yeah." She closed her eyes and willed herself to focus.

Derek squeezed his eyes shut. Girls. In bathing suits. Bikini's. Tiny ones. In the sun. With oil. Rubbing the oil on themselves. And each other. _Focus Derek._

Addison narrowed her eyes. There was a huge spider web in that corner. Did Jane _ever_ clean... "Derek," she sighed, "This isn't going to happen?"

"What?" he questioned distractedly.

"I'm not going to... " she sighed again, "It's just not going to happen for me."

He shifted slightly and repositioned one of her legs.

"No, Derek," she started to move away, "That's just making my leg cramp."

"Fine," he rolled over, facing away from her and closed his eyes.

"I'm sorry," she apologized, without much feeling.

Derek didn't reply.

She sighed, stared at his back for a moment, then rolled her eyes, "Well, do you want me too.."

"No," he cut her off in annoyance.

"I was just _offering_. Just because I'm not going to doesn't mean that you..."

He turned on her, "Most women would just fake it then go to sleep. _Why_ do you feel this _compulsive_ need to be _honest_ and _talk_ about _everything?"_

She glared at him then gave the blankets a sharp tug, taking them with her to her side of the bed.

They lay in stoney silence.

"So are we going to pretend like nothing happened with Mar... like nothing happened, or are you going to hate me for another few days then get over it?"

Derek didn't reply.

"Good the silent treatment," she muttered sarcastically, "It's only slightly less annoying then when you talk."

"So now you're mad at me for being mad at you?"

"I'm not mad at you."

"I'm not mad at you."

"You seem like you're mad at me."

"I'm not mad at you."

"Fine."

"Okay."

Addison crossed her arms over her chest and stared at the ceiling.

"I should be mad at you."

"Then why aren't you mad at me."

"I don't have the energy."

"So it's inconvenient for you to be mad at me. You can't be bothered."

Derek was silent.

"You should be mad at me."

"Yes, I should."

"Then would you please just get mad."

"I don't want to get mad at you."

"Why?"

"Addison. I am trying to sleep."

They were silent for a full 5 minutes.

"You're mad at me."

"I am not mad at you."

"Yes you are."

"I'm nor."

"You are."

"If you don't let me go to sleep, yes Addison, I will be mad at you."

Addison sighed and glared at the ceiling.

"I can practically hear you pouting."

"I'm not pouting."

"You are."

"I'm not."

"Addison," He sat up and turned to face her, "I am not mad at you."

"Yes you are." she insisted, propping herself up on her elbows.

"I don't have any reason to be mad at you." he rationalized, unconvincingly, "Because he kissed you. Right?"

"Right," she replied slowly.

"It would have been nice if you had tried to stop him..."

"I did..."

"You didn't!" he exclaimed, "You didn't Addison! I was standing right there! You had two free hands. Not once did you try to push him away! Not once did you tell him to stop!"

"I did," she repeated tearfully.

"I was right there!"

"I asked him to stop," she said quietly, "He just didn't."

Derek's jaw clenched,"So he harassed you? Forced himself on you?"

"Derek. Please..."

"No you wanted me to get mad. I got mad. Just tell me who I am suppose to get mad at."

"I don't know!" she cried, "I was just talking, and then he was kissing me and I couldn't move and he called me Adda and I told him not to and..."

"You told him to not kiss you or not to call you Adda?"

"What?"

"Did you.."

"Both. I said no to both," she insisted, "Derek, I swear."

He stared at her a long moment, "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah," he lay back down.

She watched him apprehensively.

"It's fine," he assured her tersely, "Come here." He reached out and gently pulled her over by her elbow.

She lay stiffly against his chest, "Derek?"

"It's okay," he assured her, resting the palm of his hand on her hair and staring a the ceiling, "He kissed you. It wasn't you fault.You were shocked," he swallowed hard, "It was just one kiss and you did nothing to encourage..."

Addison pulled away, "We have to be at work early," she turned on her side away from him.

He stared at her, shocked and appalled, then turned on his side away from her too.

XXXX

_Tell me something I don't know_

_Cos' these streets ain't paved with gold_

_but vanity won't release me_

_Because every town I pass through keeps reminding me o' plans we used to share_

_So long fools_

XXXX

"I want you to tell me _exactly_ what happened."

Addison glanced around, "Where are you?" she asked gripping her phone tightly.

"Tell me."

"Meet me somewhere."

"I don't want to see you."

"Derek..."

'What happened?"

"I don't know..."

"He kissed you before?"

She was silent.

But he understood, "You kissed him."

"Just once," she said quietly.

"_WHY!?!_" he exclaimed, "_Why?_"

She held the phone away from her ear and moved down the hall. He was nearby. She could hear him, "I don't know," she murmured as she pushed open the door to a break room, "I'm sorry."

He glanced at her, then turned away, "Why do you do this?" he demanded, "Why do you have to sabotage us every time?"

Her jaw dropped, "Me?" she slammed the door shut behind her, "_I _sabotage us? _I _didn't leave me in New York in the middle of the night to sleep with interns."

"No. You just choose to stay in New York with _Mark _instead of coming out here with _me_."

"I _came!_"

"When you got tired of Mark. That's what you do. You get tired of someone and move on."

She smirked, "I wouldn't talk."

He glared at her, "I have to go to New York."

She crossed her arms over her chest, "This feels familiar."

"I have to _work_," he informed her tersely, "Do you _think_ that you could keep your hands to yourself until I get back?"

She entire body stiffened. She was insulted. She glared at him and yanked open the door, "I will if _you_ will."

XXXXXXXXXX

Well on that happy note...

Reviews are like... electronic presents.

Merry (insert appropriate holiday)!!!


	11. I Don't Want You Back

Sooo... how was everyone's Christmas?

I forced Gabbi to tell me stories for an entire week. It was fun. For me. She thinks otherwise.

I also pestered Flick, Mel, Stephy, Cessy and Jess and who ever else happened to be online and was to far away to throw things at me...

I dedicate this to the chump... you know who you are. _hee hee_

XXXXXXXXXX

Addison sat cross legged in the middle of the bed. She had the day off. That meant that she wasn't showering until 3 o'clock that afternoon, and she wasn't getting dressed afterwards just putting on clean pajamas, and she was eating her meals in bed while watching infomercials. It also meant that she was going to sit in the middle of the bed and play with her baby until one of their stomachs started to growl. Just because she could.

She leaned down until she and James were nose to nose, "What do you want to do this afternoon baby-girl?" she asked.

James swatted at a piece of hair and tried to get a good grasp on it, gurgling her response that sounded some thing like 'ba pa da ba'.

Addison smiled, "You're a little young to be dying your hair," she ran her hand over the baby's head, "And you look so pretty blond."

James stretched to fit a handful of hair in her mouth, "ba ba ga".

"Oh no. You do not need the temperament that goes with red hair. You have enough of that already," she teased, rescuing her hair before it was covered in drool.

"Bab ma," James replied reaching her arms out. She was tired of sitting up and wanted to be cuddled for awhile.

Addison let the baby grab hold of her hands and try to pull herself up, sending her slowly head first towards Addison's chest. Addison laughed and scooped her up, laying down on her back and setting the baby on her stomach, "You're a strong girl."

James just sat there, no longer interested in their conversation and annoyed that her mother was still making her sit up. She reached out her arms and leaned forward until Addison feared she was going to topple right over.

"Oh, fine," Addison laid her down across her chest, the baby's head on her breast bone, "You win. You're like your daddy. You always have to have your own way."

James lifted her head at the word 'daddy', whether or not she recognized it Addison wasn't sure about, "Daba pa ba."

"I don't know when he's coming back sweetheart. Daddy isn't really talking to Mommy right now.

Jameson stared silently at her.

"It's not _all_ my fault," she protested.

The phone rang.

Addison reached for it, "I'm not perfect," she informed her daughter, "Hello?"

There was silence on the other end of the line.

She sighed, "It's for you," she handed the phone to the baby.

Addison ran her hand through the baby's hair and tried not to listen to what Derek was saying to Jameson. She was getting a certain amount of enjoyment from the number of buttons that James was hitting. That had to be annoying to try to talk through.

She let her thoughts drift away as she listened to Derek try to coax a 'DaDa' from Jameson's random gurgling.

"Addison? Addison?"

She shook herself from her daze and pried the phone from Jameson's hands. She wasn't quite sure how long she had spaced out for, "What?" she snapped.

Derek was silent a beat, "I'll be back in 2 days."

Addison waited, "That's it?"

He didn't respond.

"You've been gone for 3 weeks and all I get is a 'I'll be back in 2 days'?"

"Do you need more time?"

"For what?" she demanded, sitting up and gathering James to her side.

"How am I suppose to know what you've been up to lately?" he shot back in anger.

"I can't..." she stopped her self short of seriously telling him off. She calmly walked out of her bedroom and towards the nursery. "I've just been spending time with the baby, _our_ baby, while you've been gone. But you wouldn't know that. _You're not talking to me_."

"I'm _talking_ to you right _now_ Addison."

"Only to tell me about your travel arrangements."

"Would you rather I just showed up?"

"I have nothing to hide."

"That's new."

Addison deposited James in her playpen and took a few steps away. She was stunned. "Is this how it's going to be Derek?"

He didn't reply.

"Are you just going to insult me when ever you get the chance? Is there a set time that you are going to hate me for? Or are you just going with the flow?"

"I don't hate you."

"You don't _like_ me," Addison answered, hurt evident in her voice, "You're hiding out on the other side of the country, you're barely talking to me..."

"It's not all about you," he muttered.

"What?" she breathed.

"_This_." he exploded, "_It's not ALL about you. NO, I DON'T like you right now, and I AM hiding out on the other side of the country, and NO I don't want to talk to you right now. Can't you understand that Addison? You are NOT the victim here. YOU HURT ME. We were finally getting things right and you BLEW IT. IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU. IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU AT ALL."_

"So," she replied evenly, "What?"

"So, I'll be home in 2 days."

"Home?" she repeated icily, "So you're taking me back, _again_?."

"I'm not _coming back _for_ you, Addison_!"

She closed her eyes.

"I'm sorry," he murmured, "I didn't mean it like that."

"No," she whispered, "I think you did." She crossed her arm protectively across herself. "One condition Derek," she said quietly, "There was only one condition to us being together. You don't get to stay just for her."

"Addison!" He protested.

She hung up.

XXXX

Addison rocked back and forth and back and forth. She hadn't rocked Jameson to sleep in a very long time.

To long.

But Jameson was being fussy lately and honestly Addison wasn't ready to let her go yet.

"Stop staring at me," she whispered. James looked just like her, there was no mistaking they were mother and daughter, but she had Derek's blue eyes.

James continued to watch her, blinking more and more as she drifted of to sleep. Addison continued to rock her long after she fell asleep, smiling when she started to dream.

Finally she stood and laid the sleeping baby gently in her crib.

If she wanted to get anything done tonight she was going to have to get started.

She glanced around the nursery. She picked up the framed picture of James and Derek and moved it closer to the crib, then gathered all the pictures of the three of them together and left the room. She moved efficiently through the house picking up pictures of Derek and piling them in the kitchen.

She turned on the classic rock station on her radio and carefully wrapped each framed photo in newspaper and placed them in a box. She rummaged around the kitchen for a moment until she found tape and a marker. She taped the box shut and wrote 'photographs' on the side.

She poured herself a glass of wine and carried it and the box out to the garage. Once there she spread a tarp out on the ground and placed the box of photographs in the middle.

She took a long sip of wine and carried a stack of empty boxes back into the house.

She spent the next 90 minutes filling the boxes with Derek's books, making sure not to make the boxes to heavy, then moving them out to the garage with the photographs. Then she moved onto knick knack's, things he's bought and and spread throughout her home, forcing her to walk room to room trying to remember if he had bought that or if she had, or if that painting had come from the brownstone or the Hampton house because that would decide who it belonged to.

She hated him for making her do this.

She sat at the kitchen counter for 10 minutes, finishing her bottle of wine before gathering the courage to go into the bedroom. She didn't let herself think about what she was doing. Purging Derek from her life. There should be a limit as to how many times that she had to do this in one life time.

She filled boxes with sweaters and t-shirts and shoes, garment boxes with button down shirts and pants and garment bags with his dress clothes. She filled his luggage with pajamas, socks, ties, toiletries and miscellaneous things from the bedroom and dragged everything out to the garage.

Which left the garage. It was now well past midnight and the only sign left of Derek in her house was his work bench.

She winkled her nose. Fishing tackle. Everything smelled like fish and was covered in fish blood and who knows what else. She was going to have to bleach the counter top. She leaned Derek's rod collection against the rest of his things and carefully picked up all the odds and ends off the table and opened his tackle box.

She froze.

Her hand shook as she reached in.

Damn it.

_Damn it._

She threw the tackle box against the wall, hooks and bait showering over Derek's boxes. She felt as if she had been kicked in the stomach. It was worse then finding the panties.

Much worse.

A year. For a year he had hid this from her.

"You bastard," she whispered, "We're over."

XXXX

_I don't want you back, I don't want you back here with me_

_I don't wanna get back, get back to what we used to be_

_I just wanna be free, free to be what I wanna be_

_I just wanna be me, I just wanna be me and only me_

_I don't wanna see your face again_

_And I don't need to hear your lies_

_I don't even wanna hear your name_

XXXXXXXXXX

Well on that happy note...

Seriously, there is only one more chapter. And I know in the last fic I SAID that it was the last chapter but then I wrote 3 more and a sequel. But that is not the case this time. I really am only writing one more.

So... review.

'Cause otherwise I feel unloved and I am needy.

And you should see all the new voodoo dolls that I got for Christmas. I can't wait to try them out...


	12. Love's Divine

Are we excited?

I am SO excited.

You don't even understand.

SO EXCITED!

And by the way, if you have Love's Divine by Seal... it's like my best song choice ever. Listen to it.

XXXXXXXXXX

_Debbie's Blog_

_I need to sit down. I have no idea what just happened._

_First of all, Addison Shepherd left her baby in the care of Meredith Grey. Mini-Shepherd immediately started to scream bloody murder only to be rescued and comforted by He-Shepherd. Unfortunately Mini-Shepherd has lost me a lot of money, Derek IS her father, as I learned from Dr.Grey. Apparently we are all blind and the baby has Derek's eyes. If only I was one of the many women that get lost in his eyes on a regular bases, I might not have lost $200._

_So just as the world is settling down from the paternity shock, She-Shepherd shows up. The former Mr. and Mrs. GLARED at each other for a full minute (it was like an old western without the tumbleweeds) before starting an all out brawl in the middle of the hall._

_Now I have no idea what it going on. I heard 'custody' mentioned._

_Oh god. One of them is going to draw blood._

_May be this is a dream._

XXXX

"This is the meanest thing that you have _ever_ done too me."

"I'm sorry Meredith," Addison apologized, "Believe me, I am not doing this on purpose."

Jameson's eyes brimmed with tears.

Addison winced, "And I should warn you, she gets a little anxious around strangers right now so she is not going to like it when I leave."

"Strangers?" Meredith questioned, "Are you sure she isn't just genetically disposed to hate me?"

"That's funny," Addison chuckled, "You're funny."

"Thanks," Meredith replied dryly.

Addison gave her an apologetic look, "I am _really_ sorry," she backed away, "I really am."

James watched wide eyed as Addison disappeared through the swinging doors.

Meredith stood motionless, _please don't cry, please don't cry._

James furrowed her brow and let out a piercing cry.

Meredith cursed karma. So she slept with a married man. It was a _very_ long time ago. They weren't still dwelling on it, why were the karmic gods?

Meredith paced up and down the hospital corridors. The shoulder of her scrubs was soaked through with Jameson's tears and she showed no sign of relenting. No one would even come near her. She actually saw George turn and sprint in the opposite direction.

Suddenly James started to squirm. Meredith could barely keep hold of her as she strained desperately to get out of her arms.

"_Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa,_" she screamed desperately, trying her hardest to get to someone she recognized, "_Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa._"

Derek gently lifted the screaming baby out of Meredith's arms. James clung to him with all her strength.

"It's not me," Meredith explained defensively, "Addison said she does this with all strangers"

Derek simply nodded, rubbing the baby's back already pacifying her.

Meredith walked over to the nurses station. A gaggle of nurses stood motionless, completely in shock.

Meredith shook her head, "You can't actually be surprised? She clearly has his eyes."

XXXX

"Page Dr.Grey," Addison instructed.

"She's in surgery with Dr. Bailey."

"Excuse me?" Addison dropped her chart on the counter, "Then where is my daughter?"

"Dr. Shepherd has her," the nurse smiled knowingly.

"Derek's back?" Addison's head snapped up, "He's a day early."

"James must have missed him," the nurse continued, "As soon as she saw him she started to yell 'DaDa'."

"Did she," Addison murmured icily, "He must have been _thrilled_."

"I was."

Addison turned to face him, her chart clutched tightly to her chest, "Where is she?"

"Sleeping in Richard's office."

She glared, her jaw set and her eyes narrowed.

"Addison..."

"You should probably stop by the house before tonight," Addison informed him cooly, "I have someone coming over at 6 to change the locks."

"What?"

"All your things are in the garage." Addison turned on her heel and walked away.

"Addison..." Derek took several long steps to catch up with her, grabbing her by the arm, "What the hell is going on."

"Do_ not_ touch me," she hissed.

"Addison!" he refused to let go of her arm, pulling her back when she tried to walk away, "We are going to talk about this."

"Talk to my lawyers," she spat, "You want to fight me for custody, you are going to have to _fight me_ for _custody_."

"What.."

"You _lied_ to me," she raged, "I was _barely_ even _pregnant_ and you were drawing up _custody papers. I never want to see you EVER AGAIN_!"

Derek paled, "You went though my stuff..." he murmured.

"_No_!" she exclaimed, "I _packed_ your stuff! I thought you couldn't forgive me this time, and that was fine, I deserved that. But you've been planning on leaving me all along. _You never loved me! You used me!_"

"I did_ not_!"

"_April _Derek! They are _dated April_! We had only known a few weeks. Why? Why did you want to take her from me? _God_. I let you back in. In to my home, in to my life. And _all _you wanted was _her_. How could you do this to me? To me? How _dare_ you use me like that! You really wanted a child that badly that you would make me believe that you loved me? How _could_ you? You convinced me it was true. I doubted you and you _convinced_ me. _You betrayed me Derek! Again_. You convinced me to have her just so you could take her away. _I never should have trusted you! NEVER!"_

"Addison," he grabbed at her arm again.

"_Let go!_" she exclaimed ferociously

"_NO!_" he jerked her arm violently, "Tell me what I was suppose to do. Just give me some indication of what I was suppose to do. She is _all_ I have. _She is the only thing that is mine, and there is NOTHING stopping you from taking her away from me. I_ _just DIDN'T WANT TO LOOSE MY DAUGHTER."_

"_You..._"

"_Listen to me. Just LISTEN TO ME Addison_! You _refuse _to get married..."

"_Smartest decision I have EVER made_!"

"_So you can LEAVE ANYTIME YOU WANT ADDISON!_" he threw his arms up in the air, "You can leave and you can _take_ her. You have _no_ obligation to _me_! _So what was I suppose to do_? Wait until you disappeared back to New York or off to Italy before I did anything? I _love_ her more then _anything! I could not sit back and let you TAKE HER FROM ME_!"

Addison stared at him. "_I cannot BELIEVE you_!" she pulled back and hit him as hard as she could with her chart, "You have been _sitting back_," she continued to hit him, madder then she was before, "_You have been SITTING THERE just WAITING for me to SCREW UP. WHY_?"

"Addison!" Derek attempted to block the blows.

"_How could you NOT TRUST ME_? GOD! _Derek!_" she let her arm drop to her side as she panted for breath.

"How _could_ I?"

Her eyes flashed, in an instant her chart was coming into contact with his arm again, "_ARGH!_" she exclaimed, "HOW. COULD. YOU. NOT. _TRUST. ME?_ AFTER. _EVERYTHING!_ I CAN'T. _BELIEVE_. YOU. THINK. I WOULD. _CHEAT_. ON. YOU. _AGAIN_."

"_You DID!_"

"I. DID. _NOT_!"

"_Stop HITTING ME Addison_!"

"I. CAN'T. _BELIEVE_. I. _WASTED_. ANOTHER. YEAR. WITH. _YOU!_"

"_STOP!_" Derek made a mad lunge at her wrist and pinned it across her body pressing her hard against the wall. Her chart clattered loudly against the floor "... stop it."

She froze, "You going to hit me again Derek?" she breathed hoarsely.

He didn't react.

Neither moved for what seemed like an eternity.

She winced "You're hurting me."

"You hurt me first," he replied gruffly, but loosened his grip on her wrist considerably.

"I don't know how to fix us anymore," she whispered, "It's to hard."

Derek nodded and took a step back.

His eyes locked with hers for a long moment. Then he turned and walked away.

"Derek?"

He turned back to face her just as her arms went around his neck pulling him towards her.

"Addison," his hand attempted to push her away.

"Just hug me Derek," she instructed.

"Addison..."

"Put your arms around me," she told him again, tightening her own across his shoulders "I'm not letting go."

Obediently he put his arms around her, stiffly, trying not to touch her.

They stood motionless in the middle of the hallway, staff all around them staring.

Slowly their breathing evened out and synchronized. She knew the exact instant when he forgave her and she forgave him; his arms seemed to relax and tighten around her at the same time. She sighed, relaxing against him.

"We are stuck with each other," she informed him, "We might as well accept it now."

His arms tightened, "We are to screwed up for other people anyway."

"Exactly," she smiled, "But we are perfectly screwed up for each other."

"Mm hmm," he murmured his agreement against her shoulder.

She sighed softly, "I love you."

He squeezed her tighter.

She leaned back and rested her forehead against his, "This is where you say that back."

"I love you too," he replied gently.

"Do you mean it?"

He chuckled, "Very much."

"Good," she whispered with a smile playing on her lips, "Now kiss me."

He smiled brushing his lips chastely over hers.

"Okay, kiss me better," she teased.

He laughed, pulling her tightly against him, lifting her slightly off the ground as he kissed her. She squealed as her feet left the ground, and they smiled against each others lips.

"Add?" he smiled, "Will you marry me?"

She grinned, tightening her arms around his neck and kissing the tip of his nose, "Absolutely not."

XXXX

_Then the rainstorm came over me _

_And I felt my spirit break _

_I had lost all of my belief you see _

_And realize my mistake _

_But time through a prayer to me _

_And all around me became still _

_I need love, love's divine _

_Please forgive me now I see that I've been blind _

_Give me love, loves is what I need to help me know my name _

_Through the rainstorm came sanctuary _

_And I felt my spirit fly _

_I had found all of my reality _

_I realize what it takes _

_'Cause I need love, love's divine _

_Please forgive me now I see that I've been blind_

XXXXXXXXXX

Does a jig It's oooooooooooover.

Review.


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